Tentative title: Flying Lightly Over Destiny

[Enoki]

Although I have been somewhat reluctant to put forward details of a project I'm doing involving Traveller (CT / MT) I think its time to start trying to tie it into the game in a larger way. I say that simply because of the volume of details I have had to generate to do it.

The project already is a real, complete multi-hundred page very detailed novel about a far trader crew traversing the Glimmerdrift Reaches Sector on the cusp of the emperor's assassination where CT and MT meet in terms of Traveller history.

To make this novel work I had to generate very detailed notes on a large number of systems across the Glimmerdrift Sector including in the Thorstone, Kraxin, Even, Poonch, Sepik, Zairae and, Sosie sub sectors. This includes detailed system maps, dozens of NPC characters, tie-ins to three mega corporations, politics of local systems, details of the politics of the Farreach Margravate, Loyal Nineworlds Republic, creation of the alien Maskai race (Freetraveller wants that article... I haven't forgotten that just have been busy elsewise) and, quite a bit more.
Wherever possible I used canon sources or, at least those like Paranoia Press that were at one point, so that the the adventure reads true to Traveller. You can look up the worlds and they are correct for the official version. The ships are correct. The characters were generated per the rules and abide by them even if it sometimes sounds like they don't (I ran everything like an acutal game would be even if some rolls were 'predetermined.')
The reason for the last is that this is a novel. There has to be a storyline and it has to flow in order to be readable. So, some events are predetermined in outcome and then run backwards per the rules to ensure they could happen. At most there are minor variations someone might be able to pick at in the events. I think that it is holds to the idea of Traveller in every detail.
No, there are no major space battles. No massive death stars. There are bar fights. There is personal growth. There is religion, intrigue, personal conflicts within the party and, even fun. It is about 5 people thrown togeather by chance and luck each with different motives who are drawn together into a cohesive party by circumstance. Some of it is mundane but, that adds to making it seem more like real life. Overall, it reads like the cover of the original CT box set:

This is Free Trader Beowulf,
calling anyone...
Mayday, Mayday... we are under
attack... main drive is gone...
turret number one is not responding....
Mayday...losing cabin pressure
fast... calling anyone...please help...
This is Free Trader Beowulf.... Mayday....

Compare:

This isn’t good… Kai thinks to herself. She tries to raise the contact on the comm system but gets no response.
“Unknown contact bearing 290 by 85 relative, this is LSP 25147 Daichi Kaisu call sign KKQM out of Berdane inbound to 7GG Orla. Please respond…” Kai alters course slightly to avoid a collision and continues towards the gas giant where they need to refuel. “Unknown contact bearing 290 by 85 relative, this is LSP 25147 Daichi Kaisu….”

The beam fire continues but, it is apparent Zan was right; they want the ship intact. The comm calls get more aggressive as well. Now there are open threats and the demands are more direct. Kai also, in the slim chance there is another ship in the system puts out a distress call “This is LSP 25147 Daichi Kaisu! Call sign KKQM. PPPP we are under attack by pirates! We need assistance! Any ship within communications range please respond!”


What I really would like to do with this is ensure that it remains true to canon sources as much as possible and where possible is incorporated into the Traveller universe. Just the details of the worlds and systems are worth that effort as they would give anyone running a game a wealth of details and ideas to use for one.

So, the question I have for the board is how do I go about doing that? How do I prove that what I've generated is worth becoming something that is worth sharing and what is the best way I can share it? Its not like I need to profit from this. I don't (not that I'd mind if I did but, I didn't do it for that reason at all believe me...)

Once I get a smooth copy I'll share. FreeTraveller could have articles for a year from me at a minimum because of this. I already sent in the one on food. I still have to share the ones on things like ships in system (an expansion of the MT system that is far better)..... Yes, I had to invent a bunch of stuff to make this work and I am a REAL rules wonk beyond belief when it comes to gaming.... The things I do when I get drunk.....

 

[Andrew Boulton]

Sounds good. World write-ups etc could be included as appendices, or as a separate companion book.

 

[Peter Schutze]

>So, the question I have for the board is how do I go about doing that?

Doing that as in checking for canon / rules errors ? post sections to the file library

>How do I prove that what I've generated is worth becoming something that is worth sharing and what is the best way I can share it?

It sounds like it is worth sharing just from the description and amount of effort the project obviously required but feel free to post sections of the books and game data in the file library here or just a webpage somewhere so we can all have a peek ..... and tear it to shreds in the most helpful way possible of course

PS ... the ***nastiest*** thing you'll get from me is a file with all the spelling and grammar oopses that a spellhecker misses highlighted, together with comment like "this paragraph doesnt read well"

 

[Enoki]

A traveller based novel

After being on Binim for a couple of days, Kai and Zan stopped in to relax after spending the better part of it dealing with cargo and passengers. Both were wearing Ling Standard Products uniforms so the doorman and hostess had no problem letting them in. Inside they found a small table easily.
There were a number of local executives in pricey suits, almost all men, scattered through the club. They seemed more interested in chatting with their co-workers and their drinks than the two women.
More out-of-place are several small merchant captains from the far and free traders in port. These men are far more casually dressed. None has anything approaching a uniform on. One captain in particular is attracting a lot of attention.
He is in baggy cargo-style long shorts, a very colorful untucked shirt, a white peaked captain’s hat, and sandals. He is obviously more than a bit toasted and boisterous. The other customers appear to be doing their best to avoid him. He sees Kai and Zan sitting down…..
He immediately starts heading their direction under full sails. Both Kai and Zan studiously try to avoid eye contact. “Well, hello ladies!” he half shouts his breath reeking of alcohol and his body of a general lack of hygiene. Kai and Zan cringe. “So! Who might you two lovelies be?” he continues ignoring their obvious distaste for him.
“I’m Captain Hao commanding the Ling Standard Products transport Daichi Kaisu and this is my First Officer Itzanahohk’u” Kai says coldly. “And, you would be?” “Hell! I’m Captain Tarantella! My ship’s the free trader Perregrin! The whole sub sector’s heard of me!” he boasts to the two.
“I haven’t” Kai replies with a coldness that could freeze the oxygen in the room. “Sorry, never heard of you either” Zan adds with a good degree of doubt in her voice. Undeterred by their chilly responses he drags over a chair from another table and sits down with them.
“How could you not have heard of me!” he loudly asks. “I’m the only ship and captain to make it into and out of 577-592 a half dozen times! I’m easily the greatest pilot in the subsector!” Both Kai and Zan think You’ve never seen Lori our pilot fly you punji!
“Let me buy you girls a drink!” he rambles on almost without a break.
“No thanks” Kai says with even more chill in her voice, as if that were possible.
Zan with studied politeness says “Thank you very much but, I’ll have to decline your kind offer.” He signals the waitress for a round at their table ignoring their responses.
At this point Kai says to Zan “For once I wish Kasakabe was here.”
“I have to reluctantly agree Captain” Zan replies.
“Kasakabe?!” Captain Tarantella says loudly, perking up at the new name. “She a friend of yours?! Let’s get her down here too!”
Kai looks pained. “Lori can get in” Zan suggests to Kai. “Its only a few minutes walk.”
“You’re right!” Kai says brightening up a bit. She moves her purse where she can dig for her perscomm.
“Oh boy! A foursome!” exclaims the drunken Tarantella.
Kai calls Lori and explains the situation. “I’m on my way! I’ll be there as quick as I can and I’m bringing Murotsu too!”
Kai turns to Captain Tarantella with a more determined look and tells him “My friends are coming right now. They should be here in just a few minutes. They are really going to enjoy you.”
Zan picks up a little surprised by Kai’s apparent willingness to sic Lori and Murotsu on this guy. “You’ll really like Lori. She’s a real living doll. You should tell her that when she gets here.”
Kai in turn is surprised by Zan. Girl, you are absolutely evil. Lori will probably kill him if he says that, assuming Kasakabe doesn’t first!
“Ew boy!” Captain Tarantella exclaims. “We’re gonna have ourselves a party!” Yes we are you drunken punji! Only it isn’t going to be the party you think it is! Kai thinks as she looks at him make a boor of himself.
The two have to endure nearly ten minutes of this troll pawing and jabbering at them. Both look increasingly uncomfortable and try to get him to leave on their own. Many of the other patrons look sympathetic but they don’t intervene. They don’t want a scene nor do they want to end up saddled with this boor themselves.
Lori and Kasakabe show up at the entrance at last. Lori is wearing her holster and pistol. She shows the doorman and hostess some identification and points over at Kai and Zan. The doorman and hostess agree to let them in.
The two head towards Kai and Zan with Lori leading the way. As usual, her appearance attracts attention… especially from Captain Tarantella….
“Oh look!” Kai says to the Captain with a devious grin. “Our friends have arrived.”
“Lori is a real doll isn’t she?” Zan adds lighting the fuse of a bomb for sure.
Lori reaches the table just as Captain Tarantella sees her. “Wow! I’ll say!” he exclaims seeing Lori from just a couple of meters at most heading straight for him with Kasakabe now to one side of her. Kai and Zan look at Lori and Murotsu with desperate this guy needs to die expressions.
The Captain stands up. “You gotta be Lori!” he exclaims. “They weren’t kidding! You are an absolutely gorgeous livin’ doll!”
Before Lori can react Kasakabe has slammed his face into the table with such force she breaks his nose and nearly breaks part of the table top off. She then proceeds to hit and kick him numerous times in various spots dropping him to the floor as blood flies from his nostrils and mouth. Then she grinds a foot into his neck and whips out her blades. Lori has her pistol drawn and pointed at him with one of her high heels grinding into his chest.
“Say wrong thing Boss Lady!” Kasakabe snarls at him. “KILL!”
Kai recovers from her initial shock at Kasakabe’s sudden and vicious assault. Thinking quick she tells her “Kasakabe. Kill him outside not in here.”
The poor Captain is weakly struggling and still dazed from Kasakabe’s beating. “Stop struggle punji!” Kasakabe tells him. “Leave, you me! You DIE!” she says with obvious relish.
Kasakabe stomps on him some more. She puts one of her blades away then grabs his shirt collar. “Keep wiggle! Live fish fun!” she taunts him.
Kai leans over in her chair looking intently at the Captain. “So Captain Asshole how do you like my friends? Kai says to him with in a serious mean voice. “Let me introduce them. These are my security officers. They are going to do things to you for bothering me and the other nice people here. Am I getting through to you?”
This whole exchange has gotten the attention of everyone in the bar. No one intervenes or even moves. They just watch Lori and Kasakabe work the poor Captain over.
With Kai done, Kasakabe starts to easily drag the Captain by his shirt collar towards the door and out of the club. It is obvious she is a lot stronger than she looks from the ease with which she’s doing it.
At the door she momentarily drops the Captain on the back of his head and tosses the hostess a sliver. “Sorry ‘bout mess! Take garbage out!” The hostess and doorman stare first at her and the bleeding Captain and then at the sliver in the hostess’ palm in half shock.
The doorman recovers enough to stammer “Would you care for a hand madam?” Kasakabe grins evilly at him. “No! Take special care of! Insult Boss Lady and girlfriend big time! Fix! No do again! EVER!” She looks down at the Captain and kicks him once hard “I cut thing no want cut punji!” Looking back at the hostess and doorman and then into the bar she says fairly loudly “See nothing K?! No want come back!”
As Kasakabe leaves dragging Captain Tarantella some of the patrons in the club politely clap. One or two nods towards Kai. Lori holsters her pistol and sits down with Kai and Zan.
Looking at the two of them she asks “You told him to say that didn’t you?” Both look embarrassed. “I did” Zan admits apologetically looking down at the table. “I’m sorry Lori. I know how that bothers you but he deserved it.”
“Consider it closed” Lori says patting Zan’s hand. “I’m sorry we called you down here” Kai says. “That’s okay Captain. You hired Murotsu and I to protect you. That’s what we’re doing.”
“Lori?” Kai asks. “What will Kasakabe do to him? Will she actually kill him?” “No” Lori replies. “She’ll just hurt him a bit. She can’t actually kill him for that.”
“Hurt him?” Zan asks.
“Leave it alone” Lori replies sharply. “Its better you don’t know what she’s doing.” Can’t kill him?! Zan thinks. I thought she was just a murderous psychopath. Is it an act on her part?
The waitress comes over. “Would you care for something?” she asks Lori. “I’ll get you new drinks” she says wiping up the ones that spilled when Kasakabe slammed Captain Tarantella into the table. Lori makes an order.
When the waitress returns “Your friend did everyone a favor by the way” she says. Setting the drinks down “The manager says your drinks are with his complements, and thank you very much from the whole staff for your incredibly generous tip!” She finishes up by setting a large plate of elaborate snacks on the table.
“Tip” Kai says looking slightly confused.
“Muro gave them a sliver to ignore things” Lori says.
“Ah!” Kai replies understanding now why they were getting free drinks and expensive snacks they didn’t order.

 

[Enoki]

This is in the Glimmerdrift reaches for those who want to look up the worlds that are part of the story.

 

[77topaz]

This is in the Glimmerdrift reaches for those who want to look up the worlds that are part of the story.

Ah, near the Mercantile Concord, or Greater Osaka/Kobe Subsector, I suppose? That would explain the Japanese-sounding names.

 

[Enoki]

Its made out to be a pretty eclectic mix

Kai Lei Hao works for Ling Standard Products

Itzanahohk'u is from the Mische Conglomerate

Murotsu Kasakabe is from the Ral Ranthan Empire

Kyllikki Lepällä is an Imperial citizen

Lori-16 is from an non-alligned world in the Hinterworlds

http://www.travellerrpg.com/CotI/Gallery/index.php?n=1301

The characters were basically generated as you would in a solo game. They ended up who they are as the story took shape using the game rules.

 

[Enoki]

From an earlier chapter:

Shinan: Arrival. Kasakabe meets the local syndicate.
The Chiobal-San drops out of FTL jump at the event horizon for Shinan with Lori piloting as has become usual. The comm comes alive immediately with traffic from a number of vessels in the system. Kai and Lori can see a number of returns from ships on their sensor display, but none are anywhere close to them. Zan and Ikki have manned the ship’s laser turrets although neither has a lot of confidence in their ability to hit anything.
“Pilot to port and starboard turrets are you operational?” Lori calls on the ship’s comm. “Port working” Zan calls back. “Starboard is working right” Ikki calls. “Understood. Stand by until directed” Lori tells them. Ikki is moving her turret around playfully trying out the various functions while Zan just sits in hers hoping not to have to actually use the thing.
“Any immediate threats?” Kai asks Lori. “No Captain” Lori responds.
“Okay then. Head for Shinan. We’ll decide where to actually land once we’re in orbit at the planet” Kai says. “Understood” Lori replies. The Chiobal-San shudders slightly as the maneuver drives come to life and the ship heads to Shinan.
It takes them several hours to transit into orbit around Shinan. As they do they find there are several other ships in the immediate area. All but one appear to be small mining / prospecting vessels. The only other ship present is a merchant ship just a little larger than their own.
“Captain. The merchant ship is an issue” Lori says.
“It is? Why?” Kai asks just a little alarmed.
“It is heavily armed” Lori replies sifting some data from her sensor display to Kai’s.
“Wow! It really is isn’t it?” Kai says surprised. “Good thing you caught that.” “Routine” Lori replies. “Orders?”
“Um, suggestions Lori?” Kai asks kind of at a loss for what to do here.
“Pirate probably. Weapons not online. Suggest watch and contact” Lori says helpfully.
“Call them?!” Kai asks. “Yes” Lori replies.
“I guess it’s worth a try” Kai says.
“It is. Have Kasakabe do it” Lori suggests.
“Why Kasakabe?”
“Ral Ranthan. She speaks it best” Lori tells her.
“Ah! I see what you mean” Kai responds. She then gets on the ship’s intercom “Kasakabe come to the bridge please.”
When Kasakabe arrives Kai explains the situation to her and asks her to call the suspect pirate ship as a Ral Ranthan vessel. “No problem! Do ichiban!” Kasakabe tells her.
In clipped and guttural Ral Ranthan Kasakabe calls the other ship with Kai telling her the correct terminology for signaling. “Bizim port tafadan min kilometr gami! RR iki, besc, doerd, yeddi Chiobal-San bu Ral Rantha! KAVAB! (Ship ten thousand km off our port side this is the RR 2547 Chiobal-San from Ral Rantha! RESPOND!) Kasakabe signals them. Kai can see the translation come up on her comm screen as Kasakabe speaks.
“Ral Rantha?! You’re a long way from home. This is the Captain of the Invecta. We have no intentions on your vessel. It isn’t permitted locally. We’d be in a lot of trouble with the Syndicate here if we did anything in this system” comes the response.
“That’s a relief” Kai says. Without waiting for Kai to say anything about a response, Kasakabe calls back “Bu yaxis! Biz Sindikat! Biz sizin goezal soevu! (That’s good for you! We’re here to meet Syndicate! I’ll put in a good word for you!)
“That’s about what we were expecting here. Haven’t seen a Ral Ranthan vessel here in a while but everyone in our line of work knows better than to start something with you guys.” “Indi gedin! Guru!” (We’re leaving now to go land) Kasakabe responds.
Kai calls Zan and Ikki “You can get out of those turrets now. We aren’t going to be using them this time.” Both are relieved, particularly Zan.
The landing is very routine. Lori has little problem identifying the landing field. It hardly deserves the name star port as it is little more than a few hardstands, a short runway for local aircraft, and a few buildings. Lori picks one of the empty hardstands and puts the ship down on it.
The Chiobal-San ends up on a hard stand in a large open field. There are several other small ships visible on similar parking areas nearby. In addition, there are a number of small sub-orbital and atmospheric aircraft parked here and there.

 

[Enoki]

Patron encounters were used throughout the story as a means of (almost) randomly generating encounters that were then written in as the crew inter acted with them. Here's the list:

Professor (Spirit of Orla) passage
Technician (Burukansee) Rumor
Police (Grand Endeavor) Sets other parties in story against crew
Crew Member (534-817) repair parts
Crime leader (Shinan) Drug deal
Smuggler (Nekhi) Contract / deal
Administrator (Shugaadu) Contract + proposal
Police (Binim) Information about crew
Army Officer (577-592) refugee rescue
Clerk (Devon's Find) parts and generates unwanted celebrity status for crew
Governor (Adimshome) assassination
Scientist (Adimshome / Dug) Drug deal
Arms Broker (Duru Gailt) Information about crew
Noble (Arshur) Princess Baysan Temirzhan joins crew (forced)
Merchant (Star Bridge) Duel with crew member
Naval Officer (Kasasha) "Meet the Ginsharians"
Priate (Ulaam) Passage + hostile attempt on ship

They actually worked better than I could have hoped. The randomness let the story go in odd directions with almost unexpected results.

 

[Enoki]

Arshur:

As she does up ahead they see dark puffs of smoke begin to appear in their flight path. “They are shooting at us” Lori announces. The fire sends up spectacular ribbons of tracers and the larger shells puff deadly black clouds. But, the fire is erratic and wildly aimed even if heavy.
Lori points towards of the gravcoupe windshield at several small specks in the distance. “Interceptor aircraft” she tells Kai.
As they close on the coordinates but are still several kilometers out an urban environment presents itself below. Lori dives the gravcoupe below the building line leaving the antiaircraft guns nothing to fire at. The jet interceptor airplanes initially try to follow. As with the guns, they cannot follow her below the building line. She is now skimming at high speed towards the signal site just a meter or two above the vehicles on the street below.
Flying at the speed she is between buildings makes Kai cringe in fear of a crash, but she says nothing knowing that Lori knows what’s she doing… she hopes! The multi-story buildings and relatively narrow streets make flying dangerous but completely prevent ground fire too.
People on the streets below look up in amazement as the small gravcoupe silently whizzes past at over 300 kph just a few meters above their heads. At several points Lori flies through wires between the buildings resulting in a shower of sparks as they get torn out by the coupe. In her wake a whirlwind of debris, paper, and other detritus swirls wildly in the air. She accidentally blows the windows out of some of the ground vehicles and buildings as the wake of the gravcoupe passes.
Reaching the coordinates of the radio transmission Lori pops the gravcoupe up over a row of very large, ornate, stone buildings and into a large open cobblestoned plaza. It is decorated with statues, flags, and a large fountain. It has the look and feel of an important government complex.
On the ground below uniformed and civilian clothed people are running in various directions. The rooftop air defenses visible can’t bring their weapons to bear on the coupe. Lori zooms the gravcoupe up to what looks like the primary building on the square from its size and decoration where she lands it at the base of the steps in front of it.
“Looks like we made quite an entry” Kai says.
“I just hope they don’t start shooting at us” Lori replies looking out at a large number of uniformed soldiers now running towards the vehicle.
A small group of well dressed and uniformed men approach from the building itself as well. “Well, we certainly got their attention” Kai says with wry humor.
“Yes. We did” Lori replies unemotionally.
A circle of soldiers forms around the coupe at several meters, their weapons pointed at it. “I guess we should get out” Kai tells Lori.
“You think?” Lori replies with a giggle.
“Don’t start, please…” Kai replies with sigh.

Later there:

“Let’s go call your guns off your Highness” Kai says. “I think you have lost too many good men today for nothing already.”
“Yes, Captain I think you are right” the King replies. “Let’s. I also think it will be of great entertainment to see my daughter’s reaction to her new job!” The two head back up the beach.
Kai and the King return to his party waiting on the beach. “Return the Captain’s payment” the King commands. “Get the case I brought as well.” His advisors and subordinates move to make that happen. As they deliver the two cases to Kai, the gravcoupe with Zan and Kasakabe shows up landing on the beach nearby. Both head towards Kai after landing.
“Your Highness, may I present my First Officer, Doctor Itzanahohk’u and Security Officer Kasakabe” Kai says. “May I present King Temirzhan of Arshur” Zan bows deeply while Kasakabe, still splattered with blood, appears completely unimpressed giving him little more than a nod and a scowl.
“Zan, if you would be so kind, take these two cases aboard and place them in my office. After that if you could, return Captain‘s Sölder and Handel their payments. Tell them refueling is on the King.” Kai says after the introductions are done.
Zan acknowledges her orders and starts to leave with the cases. “Now to the matter at hand. With your permission your Highness….” Kai says.
King Temirzhan turns to his daughter. “My dear, I have had you assigned to Captain Hao’s ship as one of her crew. I have told you, you need to learn humility. The lesson begins here.”
Kai turns to Kasakabe and in a commanding voice says. “Kasakabe. Take the Princess aboard, get her in some coveralls. She can help Ikki with refueling. If her ‘highness’ gives you any problems deal with them as you will!”
Princess Baysan looks stricken. “Daddy!” she howls.
“You will go with the Captain. You will lean humility and service. Do not return her until she does Captain” the King says as he turns and signals his entourage to follow.
Kasakabe grabs the girl. “Come! Resist, beat!” she sneers at her. “Boss Lady say work. Work or else!” Kasakabe then half drags her, still struggling, towards the ship. As she does she sees Ikki working on one of the hose connections on the bottom of the hull. “Ikki!” she calls. “Got help!” Ikki just waves back.
Kai just rubs her forehead. How the hemat do I end up in these situations?

 

[Enoki]

It's getting there! Three more chapters to finish detailing out and it's done; all 225+ pages (that's 8 1/2 x 11 at 10 point type single spaced). Maybe a couple more weeks....

 

[AndreaV]

Impressive, looking forwards to reading it

 

[Enoki]

Well, it's done! Now all I have to do is figure out how to get it out there where everyone can read it....

 

[Rover]

Well, it's done! Now all I have to do is figure out how to get it out there where everyone can read it....

Maybe you could publish it on Smashwords.com. It is free to publish and you might find some new readers for your work.

 

[Rover]

Enoki,
I gave your excerpts a more thorough read last night. I liked it although I thought the violence towards the drunk captain in the first section was a little harsh. But YMMV.

on the technical side I noticed one big error, the first paragraph in the first section is written in past tense and the rest of the work seems to be present tense. tense should remain consistent throughout a piece. Typically a work of fiction is written in the past tense, but I am seeing present tense works more and more. Personally I do not like present tense, but no matter what tense you like to write in, it really should be all one or another.

But I did enjoy it, so please let us know when you publish it somewhere.

R

 

[Enoki]

Enoki,
I gave your excerpts a more thorough read last night. I liked it although I thought the violence towards the drunk captain in the first section was a little harsh. But YMMV.

The character, Kasakabe who does most of that is extremely violent. It fits the rest of the story well. She is Ral Ranthan and they as a whole are made out to be, using familiar types / groups, a cross between the mafia and Klingons having a bad day.

on the technical side I noticed one big error, the first paragraph in the first section is written in past tense and the rest of the work seems to be present tense. tense should remain consistent throughout a piece. Typically a work of fiction is written in the past tense, but I am seeing present tense works more and more. Personally I do not like present tense, but no matter what tense you like to write in, it really should be all one or another.

I have tried hard to edit things to be consistent but, it is alot to wade through. I'll see if I can make one more pass and clean up some of what I missed. It's not easy going through literally a couple hundred pages of typed manuscript and catching every mistake. I apologize for any inconsistancies like that.

I thank you for the feedback. I am trying hard to make it both an enjoyable read and technically correct in terms of writing.

 

[Rover]

The character, Kasakabe who does most of that is extremely violent. It fits the rest of the story well. She is Ral Ranthan and they as a whole are made out to be, using familiar types / groups, a cross between the mafia and Klingons having a bad day.



I have tried hard to edit things to be consistent but, it is alot to wade through. I'll see if I can make one more pass and clean up some of what I missed. It's not easy going through literally a couple hundred pages of typed manuscript and catching every mistake. I apologize for any inconsistancies like that.

I thank you for the feedback. I am trying hard to make it both an enjoyable read and technically correct in terms of writing.

I did enjoy reading it, and I know it is a big job. 3 tips I like are put is aside for a month to put some distance between yoy and your words. 2nd go through it line by line started from the end and work backwords. very time consuming but you have to concentrate on each line. Lastly, run it through a text reading softwar and follow along. Highlight the errors as you go and correct them after.

 

[Enoki]

I've been editing and re-editing for quite a while now. I did a final page and word count and got 295 pages single spaced in 10 point with 217,255 words. It's easy to miss something.....

I concentrated on story and the people involved. Here's a list and brief description on how they turned out:

Kai Lei Hao, ship's Captain: Starts out straight laced and law abiding. Becomes disillusioned and a criminal because of the rich and powerful (as a twist her family is rich and powerful)

Itzanhohak'u, First Officer and doctor: Remains true to her calling and an anchor of sanity in the story.

Kyllikki Leppällä: Innocent and fun. She just wants to work on tech.

Murotsu Kasakabe: A real psychotic. She enjoys killing people, and as is pointed out leaves "...a trail of dead and broken bodies in her wake..." She is really a hard core criminal with no apologies made. This is recoginzed and repeatedly noted by the others in the story who are more than a little scared by her. She is arrogant, a lesbian, and supremely self-confident. In short, she is a total a$$hole.

Lori 16: She is away from her 'natural enviroment' and as such is severly conflicted. She acts much as the commersurate and all-consumed military officer otherwise.

Yuri Shapurin: Kai's love interest who shows up as a secondary character.

Sir / Magnatii Jiayi Hao: Mitt Romney on steroids. He is the commensurate businessman. As Kai's grandfather he tears her a new one but also expects her to live up to the family tradition.

Baysan Temirzhan: Princess and potential heir to the throne of Aurshur. She joins the story fairly late. Her role becomes one of learning humility from poverty.

I took from the start that technology was far less important than good characters.

 

[Rover]

I've been editing and re-editing for quite a while now. I did a final page and word count and got 295 pages single spaced in 10 point with 217,255 words. It's easy to miss something.....

I concentrated on story and the people involved. Here's a list and brief description on how they turned out:

...

I took from the start that technology was far less important than good characters.

It is an ambitious work. congrats on finishing. That sounds like an interesting group. And I could not agree more on the character issue. Engaging with a good character is is what makes fiction enjoyable. for me anyway.

R

 

[AndreaV]

Well, it's done! Now all I have to do is figure out how to get it out there where everyone can read it....

A) Offer it to Jeff for serial publication in FT
B) Bung it on FanFiction.net
C) Bung it on your own site
D) Ask Colin nicely for a site on Downport
E) If you'd like I can bung it on my downport site in the stories section

(I'm sure there are other options but its 1am and I pulled my fifth straight 13 hour shift in a row today)