Typo, minor mistakes and the likes...
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mad13142000
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ok...
Here's one -
</font><blockquote>code:</font><hr /><pre style="font-size:x-small; font-family: monospace;">Kukugukhe 1406 A654534-C Ag Ni 814 Im </pre>[/QUOTE]On page 67 , the write up talks about its population being 80,000 - The pop code shows 800,000
I like the larger population, if it counts.
-MADDog
(Who is getting bombed with yet another huge thunderstorm as we speak...)
Here's one -
</font><blockquote>code:</font><hr /><pre style="font-size:x-small; font-family: monospace;">Kukugukhe 1406 A654534-C Ag Ni 814 Im </pre>[/QUOTE]On page 67 , the write up talks about its population being 80,000 - The pop code shows 800,000
I like the larger population, if it counts.
-MADDog
(Who is getting bombed with yet another huge thunderstorm as we speak...)
On page 41 in the narrative about the Galian Federation the planet Cresta is talked about yet it does not appear on the quadrant maps. The appendix says it is in 1121 J in the Gateway sec.
Also in the narrative section about the Galian Federation I got confused the first couple of times I read it since there are references to the Old Galian Trade League and the Galian Federation. Maybe a subsection on the Old Trade League would be appropriate here. There is a paragraph in this section that starts "While in theory" that needs to be indented.
In Gateway Sect. there are two systems, Jastin 1129 and Tarabalu 1124, with no symbols.
Also on the same page, in the Trindel Confederacy section, the text makes reference to the three states that make up the Confederacy as having their capitals at Tristar, Trindel, and Ashton. Is this correct? The map shows Tristar as being in the Plavian League.
Also in the narrative section about the Galian Federation I got confused the first couple of times I read it since there are references to the Old Galian Trade League and the Galian Federation. Maybe a subsection on the Old Trade League would be appropriate here. There is a paragraph in this section that starts "While in theory" that needs to be indented.
In Gateway Sect. there are two systems, Jastin 1129 and Tarabalu 1124, with no symbols.
Also on the same page, in the Trindel Confederacy section, the text makes reference to the three states that make up the Confederacy as having their capitals at Tristar, Trindel, and Ashton. Is this correct? The map shows Tristar as being in the Plavian League.
Table of Contents:
"The three Great Powers" has four entries... Should "The Lords of Thunder" be a sub-entry of the 2000 Worlds?
Cold Fuzion Adventure, Act II, 5) "Woman's Apartment" - might be better to use her name.
Act IV 4) "These times, they are a-Changin'" - missing punctuation.
Pg 1: "Standard Traveller practice had been" should be "has been"
Pg 3: last line "humaniti" should be capitalised?
Pg 6: "(as the Sydites named their homeworld)" is redundant.
Pg 7: The Twilight "a new (of short)" should be "(if short)"
pg 7: "Yet even" should be "Yet, even"
Racial Descriptions: What is the purpose of having "Automatic Languages" and "Languages"? They're mostly identical and a couple (Hiver, Kahyri) have less "Languages" than "Automatic Languages".
pg 21: How much do Technicians add to Int?
pg 21: "Artificers" should be Italic.
pg 22: "Leaders" should be bold
pg 24: "extremely adverse" should be "extremely averse"
pg 34: "autographic" should be "astrographic"
pg 36: "drawn of by" should be "drawn off by"
pg 38: "power; nor" should be "power, nor"
pg 38: "Brinksmanship" shouldn't be capitalised
pg 38: "ship-killing missiles" aren't catered for in the ship design system.
pg 47: "Federate is somewhat" should be "are"
pg 51: "Indag than show" should be "that"
pg 72: "fragments or a larger" should be "of"
pg 72: It is currently imposible to predict a three or greater body orbital mechanic that far into the future. Anything more than two is a chaotic system. While precision of measurement will certainly increase by Imperial TL15, it won't increase to be able to predict chaotic systems 6000 years on. Especially since the orbits are stated to be 'exotic', and canonical computer tech is largely inferior to what you might expect given extrapolation of current RW trends.
pg 75: Description of New Brunswick. Since it's the 'only' (actually, just the shortest: Evermore-Danka-Market is J-2 too) link between two clusters, why is traffic 'light'? How does a nomadic local population of 900 maintain a TL of 7? "Craftsmen" are not sufficient to keep the TL at 7. They need to be able to build orbital rockets (and all that entails), refine their own silicon for their solar power panels, produce their own petrochem products. That takes industry, not craftsmen. And they don't have anything to trade to buy what they can't make. Doesn't hold water and is a bad example of world-building for a hard SF game.
pg 75: Description of Shangri La. Another unworkable system. How does an orbital community of 8 million people keep its life support systems going with a local TL of Zero? Since there's a refinery, why isn't it large; shipping ore makes zero economic sense? "Lacking any real industrial capability"? Don't "starship construction yards" and "vast mobile asteroid-gutting platforms" count as industry? Such installations require support services that it would be expensive to ship in. Where do the inhabitants import their TL13 lifestyle from; the nearest TL13+ world is Baakh, 2 J-2 away? And there's a TL10 200,000,000 population planet 1 parsec away for high tech exports. This description needs re-writing, and possibly some consideration of changing the UWP TL for the system.
pg 76: Description of Gulem Kilar. 90% hydrography leads to a pretty limited landscape to be characterised by any form of vegetation.
pg 85: "Navigation in this is somewhat" is missing "Sector"
pg 90: "Mostly non-aligned" by my count it's exactly half...
pg 90: "What IS known" "is" should either be lower case or lower case italic
pg 90: "the Galian Federation has a boycott in place" given the astrography, isn't this just the most supremely irrelevant boycott ever?
pg 97: "not cone until" should be "come"
pg 102: "in some reason" should be "cases"
pg 104: You can't "upset the current imbalance of power"
pg 106: Stoner. It's a Tiny world (smaller that Luna) with no atmosphere, less than 10% water (negligible amounts of polar ice deposited aeons ago by comets, perhaps), no gas giant and 80 billion population. Okay, so it has a local TL of E, but that's not magic. How are they fed? What do they drink? Added to that, it's meant to be the capital of an interstellar polity which is quite capable of defending itself. The sheer expense and inefficiency of maintaining communications with the rest of its worlds beggars belief, let alone fuelling the humungous barges that must import foodstuffs, and head back empty. Why? It makes no sense. A state which had to spend so much time just maintaining its capital world would collapse in short order. There are several more hospitables worlds in the cluster. Stoner needs explaining (and it better be good) or changing; give it a gas giant at least.
pg 144: "which as been" - "has"
pg 146: "It is a condition of receiving a commercial starship license in the Imperium...". Is it? I thought X-boats were stuffed to the gills with computer gear specifically; most commercial ship designs have the absolute minimum to run the ship; even a mail contract in THB doesn't specify computer space, only cargo space.
I've not mentioned the "Through" and "through-out" occurrences; I'm sure they've been picked up by a global search and replace.
My criticisms of world descriptions are largely based upon the premise that such snippets are intended at least in part to be examples newbie TU-creators can use for their own worlds. Such descriptions shouldn't leave quite so many questions unanswered.
"The three Great Powers" has four entries... Should "The Lords of Thunder" be a sub-entry of the 2000 Worlds?
Cold Fuzion Adventure, Act II, 5) "Woman's Apartment" - might be better to use her name.
Act IV 4) "These times, they are a-Changin'" - missing punctuation.
Pg 1: "Standard Traveller practice had been" should be "has been"
Pg 3: last line "humaniti" should be capitalised?
Pg 6: "(as the Sydites named their homeworld)" is redundant.
Pg 7: The Twilight "a new (of short)" should be "(if short)"
pg 7: "Yet even" should be "Yet, even"
Racial Descriptions: What is the purpose of having "Automatic Languages" and "Languages"? They're mostly identical and a couple (Hiver, Kahyri) have less "Languages" than "Automatic Languages".
pg 21: How much do Technicians add to Int?
pg 21: "Artificers" should be Italic.
pg 22: "Leaders" should be bold
pg 24: "extremely adverse" should be "extremely averse"
pg 34: "autographic" should be "astrographic"
pg 36: "drawn of by" should be "drawn off by"
pg 38: "power; nor" should be "power, nor"
pg 38: "Brinksmanship" shouldn't be capitalised
pg 38: "ship-killing missiles" aren't catered for in the ship design system.
pg 47: "Federate is somewhat" should be "are"
pg 51: "Indag than show" should be "that"
pg 72: "fragments or a larger" should be "of"
pg 72: It is currently imposible to predict a three or greater body orbital mechanic that far into the future. Anything more than two is a chaotic system. While precision of measurement will certainly increase by Imperial TL15, it won't increase to be able to predict chaotic systems 6000 years on. Especially since the orbits are stated to be 'exotic', and canonical computer tech is largely inferior to what you might expect given extrapolation of current RW trends.
pg 75: Description of New Brunswick. Since it's the 'only' (actually, just the shortest: Evermore-Danka-Market is J-2 too) link between two clusters, why is traffic 'light'? How does a nomadic local population of 900 maintain a TL of 7? "Craftsmen" are not sufficient to keep the TL at 7. They need to be able to build orbital rockets (and all that entails), refine their own silicon for their solar power panels, produce their own petrochem products. That takes industry, not craftsmen. And they don't have anything to trade to buy what they can't make. Doesn't hold water and is a bad example of world-building for a hard SF game.
pg 75: Description of Shangri La. Another unworkable system. How does an orbital community of 8 million people keep its life support systems going with a local TL of Zero? Since there's a refinery, why isn't it large; shipping ore makes zero economic sense? "Lacking any real industrial capability"? Don't "starship construction yards" and "vast mobile asteroid-gutting platforms" count as industry? Such installations require support services that it would be expensive to ship in. Where do the inhabitants import their TL13 lifestyle from; the nearest TL13+ world is Baakh, 2 J-2 away? And there's a TL10 200,000,000 population planet 1 parsec away for high tech exports. This description needs re-writing, and possibly some consideration of changing the UWP TL for the system.
pg 76: Description of Gulem Kilar. 90% hydrography leads to a pretty limited landscape to be characterised by any form of vegetation.
pg 85: "Navigation in this is somewhat" is missing "Sector"
pg 90: "Mostly non-aligned" by my count it's exactly half...
pg 90: "What IS known" "is" should either be lower case or lower case italic
pg 90: "the Galian Federation has a boycott in place" given the astrography, isn't this just the most supremely irrelevant boycott ever?
pg 97: "not cone until" should be "come"
pg 102: "in some reason" should be "cases"
pg 104: You can't "upset the current imbalance of power"
pg 106: Stoner. It's a Tiny world (smaller that Luna) with no atmosphere, less than 10% water (negligible amounts of polar ice deposited aeons ago by comets, perhaps), no gas giant and 80 billion population. Okay, so it has a local TL of E, but that's not magic. How are they fed? What do they drink? Added to that, it's meant to be the capital of an interstellar polity which is quite capable of defending itself. The sheer expense and inefficiency of maintaining communications with the rest of its worlds beggars belief, let alone fuelling the humungous barges that must import foodstuffs, and head back empty. Why? It makes no sense. A state which had to spend so much time just maintaining its capital world would collapse in short order. There are several more hospitables worlds in the cluster. Stoner needs explaining (and it better be good) or changing; give it a gas giant at least.
pg 144: "which as been" - "has"
pg 146: "It is a condition of receiving a commercial starship license in the Imperium...". Is it? I thought X-boats were stuffed to the gills with computer gear specifically; most commercial ship designs have the absolute minimum to run the ship; even a mail contract in THB doesn't specify computer space, only cargo space.
I've not mentioned the "Through" and "through-out" occurrences; I'm sure they've been picked up by a global search and replace.
My criticisms of world descriptions are largely based upon the premise that such snippets are intended at least in part to be examples newbie TU-creators can use for their own worlds. Such descriptions shouldn't leave quite so many questions unanswered.
mad13142000
SOC-13
Page 79:
M) Satyressia Subsector
>> Er 0273 A675662- Ag Ni A 503 IC F6V K6D
This world has an invalid hex, a broken UWP, and it isn't on the map on Pg 77...
N) Outreaumer Sector
...
>>Khiskami 1540...
Shows a Trade Code of 'N'...it shouldn't have any TCs...could it be a Naval Base in the wrong column?
-MADDog
M) Satyressia Subsector
>> Er 0273 A675662- Ag Ni A 503 IC F6V K6D
This world has an invalid hex, a broken UWP, and it isn't on the map on Pg 77...
N) Outreaumer Sector
...
>>Khiskami 1540...
Shows a Trade Code of 'N'...it shouldn't have any TCs...could it be a Naval Base in the wrong column?
-MADDog
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