Do you feel more comfortable gaming with people your own age?

[Poppyseed45]

Pardon if this isn't the best forum for this. If so, mods, please move it. Thank you.

Now, on to the stuff:

Or of various ages? Or is there a range centered around your age?

A thought that has occurred to me recently as I've been the main GM for all my groups for the last 6 years. All of the players have been, mostly, younger than me (except in about 2-3 cases). Now, I'm not saying I'm a master old fart (I'm a balmy 36 soon to be 37), but I'm feeling a sort of "life/responsibility" divide from my regular group.

The group are all guys, 23-27. Most in relationships with SOs, and most having recently finished Bachelor's or Master's programs. So, it isn't a matter of intelligence or income or anything that's causing issues. It's age, simply put.

Case in point; we're all busy, and can only game once a month. However, "busy" for me is actual work stuff, or family stuff, or home maintenance, or just trying to squeeze in more time with the wife since we barely saw each other all week thanks to wonky schedules.

For these guys, "busy" is next party, or gotta meet their girlfriend for a bit, or the like. When we game, they often go out afterwards to a club or party or something whereas I inevitably have to go home to get back to the family, or for some work function. And I like it that way; haven't the slightest interest in the club scene (I am very much a "homestead" sort of guy).

Even when we sadly need to cancel a game, as happened for next week's game: I've had to cancel for, you guessed it, family reasons or work reasons; they usually cancel because "such and such exhibit is in town" or "I'm going with other friends to blah blah far place for the weekend" or whatever.

Now, not saying they're a bad lot; they ain't, and we're friendly. It's just, well, to me, just a little, they're kids. I know, I know, they're adults and have jobs and have all sorts of sex and can buy x-rated things and understand what responsibility is. But...they're still kids to me, sort of. Which is why, sometimes, I feel I dominate the group just a little more than I ought to.

It's also a comment my wife made once. Back when we lived in Japan, my gaming group was all my same age, and, well, my wife sort of "respected" my "guy time" away from home; I was out with the guys, after all. But recently, I was talking about some stuff happening with this group in a game session, and she said something along the lines of "well, what do you expect? They're too young to know that! Duh!"

So, my question is: do you prefer to game with people around your own age? Or near it? Or something like that? Or it doesn't matter? Or it matters and you like a wide range of ages for that reason? Or what?

(p.s. - thinking this because I've a mind to run a Classic Traveller game for my next campaign, and...I don't think it'd fit them. It isn't "shiny" enough, which I know is a bad thing to say, but it's what I think)

 

[BytePro]

Sounds like you have more commitments, where as they have things they want to do, that determine your respective priorities. Given the ages you mention, I think it is more the group than the actual ages. But, if your group were composed of people at a similar point in life as yourself, you'd probably rarely ever be able to get together.

Would CT work for them? Maybe. Firefly seems to resonate with a lot of folks in the age group you described and I say it relates to the CT feel in several areas.

Online, there are plenty of folks who can relate to you in age and commitments - but its not the same as F2F.

 

[Dragoner]

Yes, I do relate more to people closer to my age.

 

[ShapeShifter]

Humans younger than my generation probably don't have the attention span for anything but a round of CCGs or a video game. The rest are texting incessantly about how ossum Justin Bieber is or how kewl the latest Twilight movie was.

Humans in my age-group are very busy with families, divorce (concluded or ongoing), custody battles, new arrivals, and mostly careers (or humiliating lack-of-same).

Humans older than me are pushing up daisies.

That's why I'm playing patience games and there is a depressingly thick layer of grey dust on my RPG bookshelf.

 

[aramis]

Humans younger than my generation probably don't have the attention span for anything but a round of CCGs or a video game. The rest are texting incessantly about how ossum Justin Bieber is or how kewl the latest Twilight movie was.

The quoted paragraph is exemplifying why people in your and my age groups often don't see younger gamers... not because it's true (it's absolutely NOT true, and in fact is one of the most pernicious misperceptions around) but because people believe it and don't bother to look.

Many of the kids not only have the attention span, but respond quite strongly to RPG's.

Now, I am more comfortable playing with my own generation, but have no issue with playing with anyone 18 & up.

I have issues with people who are closed minded about various system/setting issues, and I love to switch up systems every few months. I love to explore mechanics.

And I've moved to a far more narrativist mindset than I used to have, and no longer have much patience for detailed mechanical simulationism, especially when it's not a good simulation (EG: TNE or Palladium).

 

[shadowcat20]

I spent about 4 years in weekly games of the OTHER old RPG we were up to version 3.5 and I had to relearn everything that had changed from ver 1.0. I just hit 50 and most of them were in the 20 to 30 range with a few late teens thrown in. We all had a blast for years.
There were no major issues but then it could have been me. I have LARPed with some of them for 10 years now and have seen a few of them in the SCA (25 year member, vet of 20+ Pennsics) I have lived with the same Lady for 10 years so it is sort of being married (We both like it fine as it is now). She does not play but wishes I would find a new group to get it out of my system.

I guess what I am saying is if your group is hardcore gamers age does not matter as much (But then some hardcores have no life but gaming..).

It sounds like your group just dabbles and is not a hard core group (HINT: Girlfriends, lives outside the game, other interests...). They have other interests and the game may not be as important to them. Find a few hardcores to add to the group and things may settle down a bit. If they are making plans as a group that MAY include you then you are the outsider sort of. Getting some other gamers involved so the game can go on without them will change things a bit. Then the game is on if they do not show and it may make them be more interested in showing so they do not miss anything.

Again it sounds more like interests than age is the problem.

Just my 2 credits,

 

[robject]

I'm really impressed that you have a group of gamers in their 20s. I'd say that you could be management material (in a good way), for that is (classically? ideally?) what management is - experienced and older but not out of the loop.

SO I say, tell your wife that you are "molding young minds" and learning how to lead. Leading by example. Boldly going where no 30-something wants to go.

I do not claim to understand people in their 20s anymore. As far as younger goes, people in their 30s seem (to me) pretty similar to people in their 40s, and I get along with them fine.

So maybe it's less the age difference than the age ratio.

 

[Gojifam58]

The group I play in ranges from mid-30s to mid 50s and while there are times there are gaps in shared experiences we are pretty well matched in temperament and sense of humor - all of us have what I have come to call an "inner goofball". Considering we are already at an optimal level of five players I don't see letting someone new coming in anytime soon.

Personally though, I wouldn't mind GMing a younger group, especially in a Tralleller campaign as the setting would provide for the common experience. This would of course rest on the premise that the players have the level of maturity needed to play an RPG to begin with. That caveat being met I believe that enthusiasm would help counter the lack of life experience.

 

[saundby]

I've been playing with people across the age spectrum for years. Age isn't really a factor for me. Life can get in the way at any age, I had a slowdown in gaming when going from high school to college, then it picked up when I was an upper classman. Then it slowed down again when I was in my early 20s and turned my SCA involvement up to 11 on the dial. I was too busy making armor, organizing events, editing newsletters, etc. to game more than once every few months. Doing an SCA demo at a gamer con reminded me of how much I'd enjoyed it before, then I made more time for it. And so on.

Age-wise, I started wargaming with adults when I was 10. They ran from the 20s to the 40s.

I first played rpgs with friends my own age but a year behind me in school. Within the first year, I had two adults as players in an after-school game about every other week. When I was 17 I joined the SCA and learned to fight with some of the people that wrote Runequest, though I mostly ended up playing board games with them (Cosmic Encounter, Quirks, etc.) on a more or less weekly basis.

At 18 I moved to southern California where I joined a gaming group that ranged in age from an 8 year old girl to folks in their mid-30s. Most were early 20s.

To make a long story short, the only time I've gamed with a group my own age that were entirely or almost all male was in high school and at university. Anywhere else it's been a mixed bag.

Our current group of regulars is:
1 teen girl, 2 teen guys, an early 20s couple, 2 early 20s single women, early 30s guy with occasional child in tow, mid 30s couple with older daughter that babysits other kids at the game, late 30s married guy, a couple of 30-something single guys, and a couple in early 50s (me and my wife).

We have about as many occasional players with a pretty fair distribution as well.

We usually have 2 campaigns going, right now we have AD&D 1st edition and Pathfinder, Our current refs are a late 30s guy and an early 20s guy. I also run games
(Traveller, Pathfinder, and anything else I can talk enough of them into), and one of the early 20s women runs Call of Cthulhu.

Some of the mid-30s guys are thoroughly tied to d20, everyone else is pretty open. The degree to which they're tied to the system and will wrangle over silly rules questions in game is, frankly, shocking and distressing to me though one of them seems to be chilling out (the one with a family.)

The others "need a life" and will likely never give another ruleset a fair hearing, they're too heavily invested in their own arcane world. It bothers them that I don't accept rules from outside a small group of books inside my d20 games. The current ref allows anything 3.x or Pathfinder, and I can't believe some of the obscure stuff they pull up.

I try to play to the whole range of players when I design adventures. Everything from the classic literary references that get me knowing smirks from the older 30s guy and one of the 20-something women to the cartoonish stuff that everyone seems to enjoy, up to a point, to the situations where motivations need to be explained to the teens by the older players, to the standard adventure fare. I try to tweak the adventure to suit those playing in it, I even play to the equipment and stat hounds, and try to do it in ways that draw them into the story.

 

[madmike]

I have been gaming with our group of aging geeks now for around 30 years. We had a break, yes, but essentially we are all still gaming.

A D&D group was formed about 6 months or so ago has a variety of ages. I would certainly be the oldest with my wife, with the youngest being our eldest daughter who is currently 23. Her husband is the DM

I do though, prefer gamers within a group ot be close to my age. Easier to relate, share experiences etc.

 

[Icosahedron]

I haven't had a FtF game for a very long time, and online it can be difficult to determine ages unless they're posted (and correct).

However, I think that what matters is maturity rather than physical age.

I've known some players of my own age and older who are domineering, argumentative and restrictive, who engage in rules-lawyering and one-upmanship and who throw their toys out of the pram if a decision goes against them - basically acting like spoiled brats.

OTOH, I've known teenagers who act in a very polite and rational manner, roleplaying with tolerance, concern for others and general good grace.

These qualities are far more important to me than their topics of conversation and where they go after the game.

 

[JMiskimen]

I've gamed with several guys younger than myself and it's my conclusion that it's not a matter of age rather maturity. We're hardly a stodgy or serious bunch, but constant juvenile disruptions to the game are not conducive to a good time had by all.

 

[aramis]

I've gamed with several guys younger than myself and it's my conclusion that it's not a matter of age rather maturity. We're hardly a stodgy or serious bunch, but constant juvenile disruptions to the game are not conducive to a good time had by all.

My current group runs 12-42. (We're playing The One Ring.) I find that playing with a kid in the group isn't much different from a bunch of guys in their 30's and 40's.

 

[Putraack]

Yes, I do feel more comfortable with similar ages, but I'm not uncomfortable with other ages. However, that can translate into the lot of us swapping gaming stories instead of rolling dice. Which can also be fun, of course.

I'm 43, have been gaming since ~1980, usually with nearly-same age people. Now, about half of my gaming is with similar-aged parents, the other half is with my 13-year-old son and his friends, and/or the kids of my friends, all tweens.

The kids have their own dynamic, I'm enjoying watching them make some of the same mistakes we made back in the day, while pushing them away from some of the mistakes I don't want repeated (player-vs.-player BS, etc.) Among the grownups, we can make the dirty jokes and innuendos that we can't say in front of the kids, and the kids can't say in front of us!

FWIW, when I go to play board wargames or miniatures, I'm usually near the bottom of the pile in age, and when I go model-railroading with my dad and his friends, I'm definitely the youngest in the room. (Guess who gets to crawl under the layout when something goes missing?)

 

[Fritz_Brown]

I don't know that I necessarily feel more comfortable with folks of a certain age.

When I was in high school, my group was almost entirely two years behind me. When I was in college, it was a little harder (for various reasons) to get away from my own immediate peers, but we eventually did have a key player who was two years behind us.

In my adult years, my groups have been more varied, but none have held together long. When we did the Official 30th Anniversary CT play-by-post, there were a lot of us grognards, but we had one or two young-uns (less than 40), too. My college group has re-formed, and we play weekly on Skype - including that really young whippersnapper who was two years behind us in college.

 

[Jame]

I haven't had a FtF game for a very long time, and online it can be difficult to determine ages unless they're posted (and correct).

However, I think that what matters is maturity rather than physical age.

I've known some players of my own age and older who are domineering, argumentative and restrictive, who engage in rules-lawyering and one-upmanship and who throw their toys out of the pram if a decision goes against them - basically acting like spoiled brats.

OTOH, I've known teenagers who act in a very polite and rational manner, roleplaying with tolerance, concern for others and general good grace.

These qualities are far more important to me than their topics of conversation and where they go after the game.

Agreed!

In most of the games that I've found myself, the players are my age or older (I'm solid 31; most are 26 to 50s and one is 60-something).

However, my fiancee is 26; she has an interest in a nearby game store (family type) and a lot of the players there are teens to mid-twenties. Most of them play Magic or other CCGs, but many of them do play RPGs, mainly D&D or Pathfinder, but a Shadowrun game did occur - and failed because the players, teens, were pretty wild. One of these teens (14 y.o.) is in the Pathfinder game as well and we've been trying to moderate him ("we" being myself, my lady and one of the other players who's somewhere between her age and mine). He's gotten somewhat better now that he's had actual "maturity" to watch and, well, slap him every once in a while.

My current group runs 12-42. (We're playing The One Ring.) I find that playing with a kid in the group isn't much different from a bunch of guys in their 30's and 40's.

Yeah. I was in a 4.0 game until I switched jobs a couple weeks ago; one of the kids is 10 - 12 and, like with the 14 year old in the Pathfinder group, all we need to do is keep things roughly PG and help him out with the rules when he needs it. Simple as pie.

 

[saundby]

Our group has split into two groups that play more or less side by side with a few players going back and forth. All told, about 16 "core" players and about 8 part-timers. Ages ranges from about 15 to 50.

Last campaign, which started in Feb. and wrapped up this month, we had two first-timers, 17 and 18. They're playing well, I didn't even realize one of them was a first-timer.

We're playing well together, since my wife and I are the oldest, we've been setting the tone for organizing the game sessions somewhat by default--timekeeping, treat and drink protocols, cleanup, etc.

Several times now the whole operation has gone off well without us present. Folks aren't slow to grab vacuum cleaners, wash dishes, put up tables, etc. when we're not there, which is great.

Some of our younger players have come in with some social challenges (e.g. not realizing that it's poor form to guzzle ALL the soda before anyone's even sat down to play, not conflating character behavior with RL feelings, etc.) but things have always been worked out without hurt feelings.

There are times I really wish I also had an over-the-hill gang of old line wargamers like myself to play and b.s. with as well, but I wouldn't give up this group for that one.

 

[Bad_Syntax]

Gamers with lives, how funny! I thought none of us had that!

I'm 39 now, and simply don't game anymore. I don't game because I just don't seem to like the people I would game with in person. I'm clean shaven, shower daily, have a clean house, and a professional job. I simply don't get along with the few gamer groups around that I've tried. I know not all gamers are like that, but enough of the ones I seem to find are to really make me wish I would have picked up a different obsession 20 years ago.

When I was about 16 I lived in Hawaii. I went up to Wheeler Air Force Base every weekend to play microarmor. My average opponent was 30s and 40s, but they were also allowing Warhammer folks there. I always played microarmor, and was mature. One day they kicked all the non-military simulation folks out (it was on a military base, in a military building, with military folk, so it made sense) and they let me hide under the table while they broke the news to everybody else. I was the only minor allowed to play there after that.

I really don't think age is the issue. Sure, everybody has different lives. I don't have kids for example, and my wife is low maintenance, so I have lots of free time, but somebody else around my age may have 2-3 kids, a 60+ hour week, and a demanding life.

Age isn't an issue, but it is easy to categorize people by it. What do I know though, I don't even game anymore, and blow $500 a month keeping all my games updated, so I'm kinda stupid.

 

[saundby]

Times change.

I've had several periods in my life that I haven't had a group to game with, but I kept buying new books, games, and supplements. I drive off from the game store wondering why I'm spending the money and filling my shelves.

Then, suddenly it seems, something gels. There's a group and a game. Within a couple of weeks I'm out buying supplements I skipped because I was "wasting money" when there was no game, or we were playing something else that looked like that's all there'd ever be.

Sometimes groups come apart just as fast. But sometimes they shift and cycle but stick together.

There are a couple of 20-something groups we're aware of in the area. I couldn't play in those groups, really, it's a different sort of game, and different sort of socializing, than what I'm looking for. You can't look back, in many ways.

But we let them know about us, and we pick up their drifters sometimes.

 

[Icosahedron]

I'm 39 now, ... ...I don't even game anymore, and blow $500 a month keeping all my games updated, so I'm kinda stupid.

I've been gaming almost since you were born, and I don't think my entire collection has cost $500!!!
...Unless you include miniatures. Even then, I doubt if I have much more than a grand's worth.

That's one helluva hobby you have there!