Game kick-off--criticism wanted

[Garyius2003]

This is a game intro I wrote for a game on Yahoo that never got off the ground. The players kept bailing before I could get started and I just pulled the plug.

Please review and let me have suggestions for how to improve.




I will start at the beginning, usually a pretty good way to get started with any story...

I had been in the navy for 12 years, and the Fifth Frontier War had been going hot for the last 3. I was the pilot on the Ember, yet another Fiery class assignment for me, and had just made Chief. I had been putting in OCS applications for the last 6 years, but kept getting enlisted promotions instead.

Anyhow, we were on convoy duty and had just reached Collace when the Lt Commander running the convoy called all officers to the High Port for a conference. He was always doing things like that. That was when the Swordie Raider Cruiser attacked.

One fight, one ruined Ember, and one badly damaged leg later and I was the hero enlisted captain who struck the death blow on an enemy cruiser. I heard the cheers for a week before they froze me in low and shipped me for a rebuild. Once I got unfrozen at Trin they fixed my leg-- mostly before it started hurting again. That was when I got the good news.

The nobles were trying to rally the common people by rewarding the working Imperial military men and women. One of the ways was that on Trin they picked eight enlisted heros (like me) to get an SEH, a commission, and a domain knighthood all at the same time. I was pretty pumped. Of course, by then the war was going our way, but when the suggestion had been formed far away and a year before it hadn’t been.

The public information staff had us practicing for two days for the ceremony. Where to stand, how to smile, exactly what to say to Duchess Mirai when she shook our hand and called us “Sir” for the first time. We were wearing our enlisted uniforms for the ceremony, and changing into officer uniforms afterwards before the reception.

That was funny, the first time I was ever going to wear a full dress Chief’s uniform in public was also going to be my last. We even practiced changing uniforms and how to stand and discuss the weather at the reception, while holding but not drinking a drink.

The big day came and we signed a bunch of forms and went in. The Duchess showed up, first time I was ever that close to a high Noble. She gave a great speech. We were going through the bowing and kneeling, four of us on each side of the central riser where she was posed in front of the Imperial seal. The handpicked crowd was small and about forty feet away, but the show was really for the two cameras anyway.

We got to the part where she ordered us to rise, and she walked to the other side and addressed each of the people over there as “Sir”. She got to our side and had just started to extend her hand to me when it happened. From nowhere a golden coin rang on the floor next to her and bounced. As we all looked, a holo shot up out of it about three feet across, and the cameras and the rest of us could make out the Ine Givar seal in it. The Duchess looked at each of us, sneered, and stormed out.

All four of us were whisked off to some cells. After a few hours they grabbed me out and then put me under some bright lights. After an hour or so they started putting me through the ringer with lots of questions, the same ones over and over. I figured out fast that the cameras didn’t show whoever did it. Strange, my suggestion that one of her staff might have done it was not welcome. I couldn’t tell them anything helpful because I didn’t see anything.

One very long day and night later they took me back to my cell to sleep. I woke up in a ship’s sick bay with the sick feeling you get from being thawed. Once the compartment stopped spinning, I looked around though bleary eyes. Yes, there were the other three of us.

PC #1
Navy, in Fourth Term
58598X
Pilot-2, Nav-1, Pistol-1, Vacc-1, Mech-1, Admin-1, Bribe-2
Pick two additional skill levels from any Navy Table

PC#2
Navy, in Fourth Term
85769X
Eng-3, Comp-1, Ships Boat-1, Elec-1, Vacc-1, Brawl-2
Pick two additional skill levels from any Navy Table

PC#3
Navy, in Fourth Term
49779X
Medic-2, Blade-2, Grav Vech-2, Interr-1, Streetwise-1
Pick two additional skill levels from any Navy Table

PC#4
Marine, in Fourth Term
98767X
Battle Dress-2, Rifle-2, Brawl-1, Eng Weap-1, Turret-2, Gamb-2
Pick two additional skill levels from any Marine Table

The medics helped us get dressed in ships suits. They told us, as quietly as they could, that we were on the Children of the March, which I remembered from the odd name was a High Lightning class. They also told us we had been down in low for about 8 months. After a few whispers to keep quiet we got the hint and stopped trying to ask questions. Once my eyes started working correctly, I could see the ship’s patch on the sleeves. Yep, the Children of the March. No names or rank. After some medications and a drink of nurti-slop, we were told to follow some Marines to be taken before the Captain. Conversation was not welcome.

Once we hit the lift I noticed that the Ship’s Command Master Chief come in behind us. He stopped the lift after a minute and flipped a switch on the small box he was holding.

“Listen up, because I only have a minute. We have orders to leave you out here somewhere in District 268. We have heard different rumors about what happened and why we are shafting you and I don’t like any of them, neither does the Captain.”

“We have been trying to find a way out for you that didn’t involve stranding you with some sensor equipment on a backwater world. We found one when it was dropped into our laps.”

“The Captain’s office recorder is sure to be reviewed when we get back, for giving you this break. Just keep your mouths shut and let us help you out in about an hour or so.”

The Captain was formal and very cold. It seems he was giving us a chance to redeem ourselves by taking on a dangerous mission for the Imperium. They had found a 3I far trader stripped on a moonlet in the outermost remote system of Singer. Records showed the last mention of the ship was on an Imperial Scout charter. Our job was to take it to Karin and allow it to be investigated at the base there. The engineers checked the ship out and thought the J-Drives would work okay. We didn’t deserve it, but he was giving us a collapsible fuel tank and some supplies. He hoped we could restore our honor.

We were marched over to a cutter, and were taken on a five minute flight over to dock with the Bright Queen Star. When the pilot told us where we were going I tried to speak, and was told to shut up.

The Command Master Chief met us over there.

“Okay. We restocked all the parts, repair gear, and tool racks in the ship. Ship’s locker has four vacc suits, four ACRs, four Snubs, spare ammo and mags. Usual survival kits, knives, climbing and rigging gear, filter masks. Portable mechanical and electrical kits. Survival still. PRIS goggles. Multi sensors. Full medic supplies. Two extra vaccs and two snubs locked in the main tool storage in Engineering.”

“We downloaded a standard TAS database and all new programming in the computer. The computer was totally wiped. Seemed to work fine for the computer techs after the reload. Navy issue small ship entertainment download. Two pulse lasers in the port turret, one sandcaster in the starboard. It was all we had overage in spares. They are zeroed.”

“Oh, two snubs in the bridge rack. Health and comfort items in the box over there with some spare ships suits. 200 mandays of survival rations in the hold. 100 days of life support supplies next to them. We stocked the food service area, too. The drives, grav plates, and fuel processors all checked out in testing.”

“Here is a line of credit chip good for 50K for supplies, and a official order chip that should allow you to draw supplies and services from 3I bases. The locks are keyed to the last four of your serials. You should change those. The computer is keyed to your bio signs. The transponder is set to show you on Naval charter.”

“I don’t know why we had a collapsible fuel tank in stores, but we did, so now you do. The fuel processors checked out on test mode, but we pumped refined fuel because it was what we have.”

“Make sure you are sad and sullen in any transmissions over to us.”

“Questions? I have about five more minutes if we are going to sell that we left you on a crippled tramp in the middle of nowhere with little hope.”

 

[cyberknight]

Nice stuff

I like what I read. Sounds like the makings of a game I would enjoy playing in.

 

[the angle]

It sounds like a build-up to a good adventure, but

1. it's too long for my taste, and
2. it's mostly backstory that doesn't tell you much about the upcoming adventure. I can guess that it involves traveling to somewhere, and that place probably is dangerous, but other than that ... . Too much mystery can be be as bad as too little, especially if players have to wait around for things to get rolling.

Unless all that backstory actually matters in what's about to happen, I'd rather skip it and know more about what's coming. For example, "This adventure involves traveling stealthily into enemy-held space. There will be some ground and space combat but no mercenary action. Expect lots of espionage and intrigue, some exploration and alien contact, and a bit of smuggling and cargo speculation." Now I know whether this will be the sort of game I like and have a reason to wait for the action to get underway.

Steve

 

[samuelvss]

I believe the angle is being obtuse, and that it is very helpful to have such a robust introduction to help play the role.

It sounds like a great start.

 

[Garyius2003]

There is a reason that everyone bailed, I would like even more input to help me in the future.

How do you think it was too long? What do I need to change that up?

 

[lucasdigital]

I like the first-person approach, although it might be better to begin with a summary of the situation.

You ever hear about the first time George Lucas showed the rough cut of Star Wars to his film school mates? One of them, Martin Scorsese I think, said "I love it, but what the hell is going on?" From that comment, Lucas decided to add the scrolling introduction text. I think what you need is your own form of scrolling introductory text.

A tip for writing dialogue; read it out, ask yourself if it sounds like a conversation. Cut it down as much as you can, pepper with contractions and colloquialisms for best effect.

As with earlier comments, I like what I see. It just needs some spit and polish.

Mk

 

[the angle]

I believe the angle is being obtuse

"Why be acute when you can be obtuse?" is my slogan.

How do you think it was too long?

By containing over 1,500 words. I publish web articles all day long, and 1,500 words is a good article length.

Let me ask a question: Do the facts that the characters are decorated war veterans and were present during a terrorist PR event have anything to do with what happens next? If not, then why spend so much time on it?

Honestly, while I like where I think the adventure is going, I'd shy away from this game. All that backstory makes me suspect that what the GM has in mind is more like a script than a free-flowing RPG adventure. It makes no difference whether that impression is right or wrong; it's going to determine my action.

But there's one more important question. You state that the players kept bailing "before I could get started." How much time was involved? How long were you asking them to wait? If it was more than a week or two, that could have more to do with it than anything else. Patience is a virtue, which is just another way of saying that it's rare.

Steve

 

[ThunderChilde]

Meh, it smacks of ethier a well set stage, which is good, or scripted arc, which isn't always bad, depends on the flexibility of the arc and the GM. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a GM having done a lot of homework and prep before hand.

Back on topic: You need to know your gamers. Some have a direct and simple early grasp of character that deepens over time, other like a great deal of complexity and detail right off the bat. And some preffer the hoary olde chesnut of "You find yourself in a starport dive with three other neerdowells...."

I am running an MGT campaign right now that started as an arc, and is now falling free. The opening arc was there to present a number of ideas and concepts to the players, and introduce them, and myself to the MGT rules. I think it served it's purpose to that point. I have crib notes on about 25 ideas I dropped to the players, and I am reaching the comfort level to adlib Traveller.

I can run Gurps and CP2020 right off the cuff, start campaigns blind, and do short run fillers. It's a matter of comfort, familiarity and experience with those rule sets, and in the case of CyberPunk, the whole shmeggegy.

 

[flykiller]

All that backstory makes me suspect that what the GM has in mind is more like a script than a free-flowing RPG adventure.

concur. it sounds more like a referee's game than a players' game. most players don't want to be passengers.

my initial games failed. I figured out why, and wrote some rules on how to make them better. they helped me a lot.

The Seven Adventure Components

Every successful game has certain features. Here they are.

Action

Combat, the chase, evasion, recon, disaster, rescue, romance, moral dilemas, whatever. Something should happen that sets the stage for players to interact with your world. It need not be violent or earth-shaking as even small things can be very effective.

Player Choices and Multiple Approaches

Players should have options to influence the game, accomplish their goals, and write the story. There should be more than one way to get the job done.

Choice Effectiveness

Player choices should have an effect on the course of the game. The effects need not always be positive but the idea is for the player to be able to make a difference. This is the reason for and core of every role-playing game.

Possibility of Success

The game referee should not dispense success or failure at his whim, nor should he allow the players to do impossible things. But, given boldness, hard work, ingenuity, luck, or, perhaps, a little help from a friendly non-player character, the players should have an opportunity to succeed. Like the Bible says; "...desire fulfilled is a tree of life."

Game Responsiveness

The game referee should be ready to respond to any course of action the players take, and incorporate it into his game if possible. The referee is not the sole source of the storyline.

Color / Mystery

Each game session should have some interesting bit of local color or inscrutible mystery to it. It need not be profound, weird, or affect the course of the adventure, but it should leave the players feeling that they've been somewhere different from their normal world.

Carry-Over

The players should always look forward (with happiness or dread or simple curiosity) to things that will be happening in the next game session.

The Four Referee Approaches

Space is big. So is Traveller. No matter how much you prepare you will start each game with the realization that you are completely unprepared. Your players will constantly move in directions that you never expected and cannot control. Here is how to cope with that.

Set the Big Picture and Major Themes

Decide on the Big Picture for your universe, or rather the little corner of it in which the players start. What is the history of the area, who are the nobles and the corporations and the crime bosses and the other major players, what do they all want and how do they interact? Then when the players run off in an unplanned direction you will have some idea of how to procede. There is no need for any great depth to this, just an ability to expand and accomodate changes. Details will come later.

Set the Adventure Stage

Start with where the players are, and consider where they might go. Minimize rigid plans. Maximize opportunities for the players to act. Draw up important people - who are they, what do they want, and how do they think they can get it? Sketch important places - what are these places, what are they for, who and what are there? Place significant equipment, obstacles, and terrain. Schedual important events. Think of what the players will want and need, and make it available (though not necessarily obvious, of course). Your job is not to plan the adventure, but to set the stage. Consult the Seven Adventure Components. Is there action? Do the players have choices? Will their choices be effective? Can the players possibly succeed? If the players do something unexpected can you respond? Is there a bit of color? Is there enough going on and are there enough goals to last more than one game session? Put brief descriptions and sketches on paper (clearly written) and have this ready to consult during the game, along with any detailed information that might be necessary.

Let the Players Take the Stage

When the game session begins this should be the time you relax and let the players do all the work. Sit back and smile. If you have set the stage and have included the Seven Adventure Components in your preparations then the players will have everything they need to generate a successful adventure. Act the non-player characters, run the events, operate the stage - let the players run the game.

Usually you will find that much of your preparation is untouched, as the players never get to it. Just keep the materials and use them in a later game. Soon you will find you have more material than you can keep track of.

Let Your Universe Grow

Your first game universe will be sparse and thin, but every game session will generate choices, decisions, events, rulings, people, and thoughts that can be incorporated into the Big Picture to expand your universe. Keep a record of these. As you fill in the gaps you will find that each game session not only paves the way for the next but also suggests many other adventures.

The Seven Referee Practices

Being a game referee is hard work. Here is how to make it easier.

Roll the Dice

You can't prepare for everything. Every step of the way the players will ask for and attempt things you never anticipated. When they do, just roll the dice. "Do I overhear the conversation?" Roll the dice. "How many ships are docked at the port?" Roll the dice. "I steal the dump truck and crash it through the gate." Roll the dice. Occasionally roll them just to keep the players wondering what is going on. If the players are active you might be rolling dice once or twice a minute. Roll them behind your hand so the players don't see how you are interpreting them.

Feel free to overrule any die roll (one reason to hide die rolls), but letting them stand usually results in a better game.

Minimize Up Front Details

Trying to sound and act like non-player characters can be exhausting after a few hours, and most people aren't good at it anyway. As much as possible keep characterizations on a "he says this, he does that" level and don't try to act out anything unless it greatly enhances the game at a certain point.

Don't try to detail every building, every ship, every wilderness the players may find themselves in. You can't. Use general descriptions when possible.

Don't try to detail every NPC the player characters interact with. There are too many of them. Use general descriptions when possible.

Prepare Lists and Charts

Draw up and keep on paper large lists of names, characteristics, stats, skills, families, ages, and other game details that might be needed. When necessary during a game just point your finger and drop it onto the paper, or roll the dice and find the result, and there it is. This is much easier than thinking up such details on demand in the middle of a game.

Maintain and Read Game History

At the end of every game session write up a quick review of the recent events and keep it as a history of the players' actions. Use this to prepare the next session, and have the players review it from time to time. Sometimes many days pass between games and it helps to jog everyone's memory about what they were doing and why.

Be Straightforward

If the players wander off into an area for which you are not prepared, simply tell them that you aren't ready and that you will need to postpone that portion of the game until later. In the meantime perhaps there may be other action to be taken in the remainder of the game session.

If a major contradiction develops in your game, admit it and make the best repair you can. Then move on. Traveller is Shotguns in Space - it is not Accurate Adventures in Accounting.

Never hesitate to stop the game to think a minute. Such pauses make good snack breaks anyway.

After-Game Preparation

After each game session update the game history and immediately prepare the next session. Update the Big Picture Major Themes. Think of where the players are now and where they might go, consider their intentions and yours, and see if new details such as names, deckplans, or descriptions are warranted. Then reset the stage while consulting the Seven Adventure Components.

Have a Good Time

This is important. If you are not enjoying the game then chances are your players aren't either. Set up situations and characters that you find interesting, develop game themes that last from session to session. If the players do things you don't enjoy then try to work it out with them, or else set them up with another referee while you look for other players. If you get tired then see if someone else will referee for a while. Refereeing should be a hard-work hobby, not a hard-work job.

 

[Whipsnade]

Garyious2003,

That's a nice piece of fan-fic you shared with us.

That's a very poor way to open a RPG campaign though.

Everyone has pointed out the various problems you've created for yourself, so I'll just try to distill it all down into a pithy statement:

You're having your players play your characters and not their characters.

Is it any wonder why they kept bailing? You handed them an incredibly detailed script that left nothing for them to create. A RPG campaign is a story shared between the GM and players. Your campaign shared little or nothing with the players, it merely told them what they must be and do instead.

Recycle those four PCs as NPCs, introduce them and their story to the real player-characters sometime during the campaign, then let your players decide whether they can help the four NPCs clear their names.


Regards,
Bill

 

[samuelvss]

Garyious, in reflection I think Whipsnade's critique is most on point. Maybe in a tournament setting this might be an appropriate "before we all sit down" backstory.

I...wrote some rules on how to make [my games] better. They helped me a lot.

The Seven Adventure Components

Every successful game has certain features. Here they are...


The Four Referee Approaches

...Your players will constantly move in directions that you never expected and cannot control. Here is how to cope with that...


The Seven Referee Practices

Being a game referee is hard work. Here is how to make it easier...

Flykiller, this is GREAT!!

I have loved the material on Coti, and grown in my understanding of the game, but this is the most helpful thing I have seen yet on GM'ing by an order of magnitude. Having a way to organize your thoughts like this is huge.

 

[ravells]

Flykiller that is fantastic!!! You should email it to John Fourr for publishing in his RPG bulletin. Spot on and one of the most informative posts I've ever read on how to run a successful RPG. 5 Stars.

 

[aramis]

I think Flykiller should put it up as a 1-2 page PDF in the files area. It's an excellent introduction.

 

[Whipsnade]

I think Flykiller should put it up as a 1-2 page PDF in the files area. It's an excellent introduction.

Aramis,

Let me ditto that as strongly as possible.

I wish I had Fly's list of eminently sensible suggestions back when I started GMing. It would have saved a lot of time and trouble.


Regards,
Bill

 

[Brillig]

I have printed your Adventure Components for my own use in my 'Secret Ninja Tricks' (My Eyes Only) section of my gaming files.

Good thoughts, well written, eminently usable.

 

[ravells]

Flykiller, I have cross posted your advice on the Cartographers' Guild (link here).

sorry to derail the thread a bit.

 

[JAFARR]

By Flykiller
Prepare Lists and Charts

Draw up and keep on paper large lists of names, characteristics, stats, skills, families, ages, and other game details that might be needed. When necessary during a game just point your finger and drop it onto the paper, or roll the dice and find the result, and there it is. This is much easier than thinking up such details on demand in the middle of a game.

I once had a group that wanted names for every npc that came up, so I did a spreadsheet with 400 cells in 4 columns, 1 for male first names, 1 for female first names, and 2 of last names. When they wanted a name, they rolled for it and if I needed that name, I recorded it. Roll D100 for the first name. Roll D2 for middle name, odd uses first name column - even used a last name column. Roll D100 for the actual name. Roll D2 for last name column, then D100 for the actual name. Not being very imaginative with names, I just opened a phone book and picked names there to fill the cells.

Maybe some day it will expand to 1000 cells, but I doubt it.

 

[flykiller]

wow. thank you gentlemen, hope everyone finds it useful. I'll see about putting in into some kind of format, pdf or *.doc, and figure out how to post it in files. (originally it was longer, but coti restricts posts to 10k characters max.)

It would have saved a lot of time and trouble.

it not only rescued my games, it made them much much easier to plan and run.

I have cross posted your advice on the Cartographers' Guild

no problem, though they're intended to assist with the wide-open free-for-all nature of traveller. other rpg's seem much more contained and manageable - I don't recall d&d being a game of "teleport to any one of a dozen cities/dungeons whenever we feel like it".

I just opened a phone book and picked names there to fill the cells.

on the net you can find lists of names obtained by the u.s. census. don't recall where but I found one particular site that ordered all the names from common to unusual to rare to outright unique. you can cut and paste the lists at will.

 

[Madarin Dude]

Traveller is a different animal and often it is best when you let the players decide the adventure. I think it is admirable that you put so much preparation into your game but players need to be in control of their own destiny.

Also what kind of campaign do the players want? running a military campaign might be fun but maybe the players want to be scoundrels living on the edge or explorers. You need to take the pulse of the players and from that decide what kind of game to have. Let them generate their own characters and then you can decide.

From my point of view I want to be more independent from NPC's and make my own way. (I recall killing prominent NPC's out of camp to get more control over my destiny.) It is OK to get a mission but you have to be the one who decides how it is done. But I prefer to make my own adventures look at a star map and say I want to go there.

 

[Garyius2003]

Thanks Guys. My intent wasn't to have a rail shooter, but I see now how it looks like I was going to to.

I had outlined for the guys to try one of four things: 1. Follow the mission as assigned; 2. Go back to prove they didn't do it; 3. Go attack the Duchess (As the meson beam passes through your ship it makes an odd 'whomping buzz' as you die); 4. Live the life of a Traveller with the free ship.

I need to make things better next time.