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Last Post - bye all

sabredog

sabredog

SOC-14 1K
Admin Award
Everyone:

I just wanted to delete this post for various reasons: especially since I'm not there anymore...and its depressing to re-read every time I drop by for a quick look-see on how things are when I wake up in the middle of the night like right now and can't get back to sleep.

I would instead prefer to drop by here and there to re-read this thread and gain strength from the posts you all have left on it. The girls are doing great, as well as can be expected and I'm OK and surrounded by friends I didn't even realize I knew I had. So rather this awful thing I left before when in a a very frightening place to be and feeling totally helpless to fight against as I normally would - I would rather say that this is my last post....for now, but not forever.

I'm going back to bed now to try to catch a couple more hours before getting the girls up.

-Scott Diamond aka, sabredog
 
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We'll miss you, brother, always good to read your posts.

I hear you, divorced two years ago, once had a nice house in Cali, good job for a mid sized design build, etc. now I'm scraping pennies back in school.

-Robert
 
Scott, I hope some silver lining emerges from the cloud you find yourself in. Depending on your age you might consider moving state or country for a job. If you're ever interested in a job teaching English in Japan, which is not the best nor the worst job there is out there - let me know - I've done it myself and got by for the past 8 years on it.

Eamon
 
Being on the other side of the pond, I don't know what the welfare benefits system is like over there, if any, but over here you would be much more likely to get state help if you kept the kids with you, and from your letter it sounds like they would be happier too. Besides, if (when) you find work, you'll want them back. You haven't failed them - it's not your fault.

Above all, don't give up. If your locality has high unemployment it may take quite a while, or, as suggested upthread, cast your net wider.

Good luck, and we hope to see you back here when your situation has improved.
 
I know things must seem pretty bleak right now. I've been there. I lost my wife very suddenly at a very young age. But you will come through. It won't be easy, it won't be fun, but you will. Let your girls be your strength and your reason for pushing forward, because let me tell you, THEY NEED YOU. They need you there as they grow up. Trust me on this. There is no substitute for dad (or mom) in their lives, even if mom and dad are divorced. It is NOT better for you to be out of their lives.

If you need someone to talk to, email me at grip@RPGRealms.com

Talk to some of the folks here. People are spread out all over the country and there are plenty of places looking for law enforcement officers.

But you need to hang on if for nothing else than those girls of yours. They need their dad in their lives.
 
I hope we see you back on the boards when you're back on your feet.

Having a plan to sort out your daughter's welbeing is great, now all you have to do is work on sorting out your own.

Once you're good and settled you can go get your daughters back.

Good Luck,

Kind regards,

Ewan
 
Pasco County, Florida is hiring:

http://www.indeed.com/viewjob?t=Law...ice&l=New+Port+Richey,+FL&jk=c6fcf232dd7d8431

So keep on looking.

... And pray hard about your family decisions.

Do you have extended family that you can lean on? [don't answer me, it was just something for you to think about].

I know a lot of people helping to raise their grandchildren. My stepmother provides daycare for her children's children so both parents can work (It is called 'just getting by' in rural North Carolina).
 
Starviking said:
Scott, I hope some silver lining emerges from the cloud you find yourself in. Depending on your age you might consider moving state or country for a job. If you're ever interested in a job teaching English in Japan, which is not the best nor the worst job there is out there - let me know - I've done it myself and got by for the past 8 years on it.

Eamon
Click to expand...

I wholeheartedly agree with Eamon on this. I hope you find another job AND SOON DO YOU HEAR ME LIFE GIVE HIM A JOB SOON AND BY SOON I MEAN NOWNOWNOW.

Hopefully you will be able to get everything back the way you want it and come back to us, and to properly teach your girls Traveller. Good luck.
 
Things get bad, but they don't stay bad. Scott, I appreciate seeing your contributions here, and hope to see many more. Don't sign off yet. Your posts help everyone in our community, and help Traveller become a better game.

I can't possibly know everything you're going through, but the 2000's were terrible to me, but things don't stay bad. If you need to talk email me. We can exchange phone numbers.

robert.eaglestone@gmail.com.
 
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Sabredog,
Best of luck to you with everything. Your posts have been great reads. As they say, "Keep the stiff upper lip", and things will turn around, no matter how bleak they seem.
Dewey
 
Scott, if I understand your post, then what you about to do, is the wrong decision. Think of your daughters, they are the ones that will be scarred by this. Life always turns around even when at your lowest.

Someone that lives in/near Portland or the US needs to give the Portland police a call and report this to the suicide hotline, before Scott does something irreversible.
 
To everyone:

I'm still breathing and I finally got my 3 girls bedded down and asleep for the night (its around 1am here pacific). I'm physically, spiritually, and mentally beaten down like I never have but even after toady's drama of her coming back to get her clothes to day and the toll that took on the girls (my 11 yo took all her stuffed animals and wanted to hide them in "case mom took them too" I'm still breathing.

Thanks in no small part to you all. I'm not 100% sure why I made the post other than I was screaming inside, dying, and more scared than any time I was ever in physical danger. My girls' lives are being destroyed, what little we had ruined, and gone now, but I reached out and help - you - were there.

Some touched me, some were like a splash of ice water, but it all meant a lot and woke me up.

I don't know if it is this way with everyone in my former profession (though it's dang hard to not leave out "former" when I talk about it because it never really leaves you) but I have always found it almost impossible to ask for help even though I'd cut out my own kidney if somebody needed it. So I think I was just crying out from my soul and turned to a place that has become more of a community than a "community" to me. I know I'm sounding awfully melodramatic, but if you knew me you'd know I really mean what I say. And I say that I am grateful to every one of you for you thoughts, responses, offers of help, and PM's because they - when I finally had the courage to really read them - have kept me from making a horrible mistake. And I mean that. It is most definitely not something to say lightly.

One of the cop "self-affirmations" I used to have in my locker that I read every day after dressing up for the road was "Duty is as heavy as a mountain, death as light as a feather." Well, starting tonight after a long sleep and finally eating the sandwich I bought two days ago I am going to pick up that mountain and remember my duty to the three girls sleeping above me while I write this in my garage. I wish I could thank you all more.

To all who PM'd me: I'm so tired I have to hit spell check more often than the spacebar. I'm sorry but I promise I will write or call you tomorrow. But I want (need) to sleep now, perchance to dream, but not dream quite so long as I wanted to the other night anymore.

It might be a little while before I can make any significant contributions here...gotta settle the girls now that school is out tomorrow...but I swear I will be back. Probably sooner than some of you might want, even ;)

And last week I found some really interesting old goodies from campaigns past I'll entertain you with at that time.

Good night my friends.
 
I hope things don't get this dramatic every time I take a day off sick...

Sabredog, I'm glad you didn't do anything...permanent. I know you're feeling down, and things look hopeless, but you'll get through it, and life will get better.

Admitting you're hurting is the hardest thing in the world to do - I know, I've been there. But when you do, you find friends you didn't know you had - again, I've been there, and it's amazing how much a little note from some guy you've never met can help!

If there's anything you need, just ask.
 
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