Part 2
Adam’s fixation on Natasha’s rump when she was working on the avionics was a sudden and jarring departure from his cool professional demeanor. It seemed sharply out of character. Of course he’s a man, but he’s not an immature man or one given over to his passions. Besides, it was just her shipsuited rump, how mesmerising can it be? If it were the Rump of all Rumps, the Perfect Platonic Form of Rumps, then Natasha should have been wearing something formfitting so it would be reasonable that Adam would’ve seen how much more beautiful she was than other women. I think you should have handled Adam’s attraction to Natasha more subtly, and more focused on her as whole person once she emerged from the avionics space. Adam could have noticed Natasha’s rump and its remarkable shapeliness, but only been struck by her beauty when he saw her face to face.
I think you should have diligently removed any trace of pop culture references. Traveller is set around 5000AD. Nobody would know or care about any of the crap we think about today.
The discussion between Adam and Natasha about the calibrations was a good showcasing of the Natasha’s immaturity and uptightness vs. Adam’s maturity and experience. Adam never did talk to the supervisor.
Natasha’s difficulty bringing the ship to orbit seemed out of character. You built her up to be a multifaceted top performer, but then she suddenly performs poorly. The character of Natasha I found tiresome as a whole, to the point where I wanted to skip to the next part about Adam or Helga. Natasha was Ms. Violence Toughcookie, and man, it’s just been overdone in books, TV and movies. Of course she’s been through hell on some ghetto planet so we have to feel sorry for her. Of course she came out of it tough and strong, instead of broken or cowardly. Of course she’s lost someone so we have to excuse her unprofessional tantrums. Of course while she was going through hell on ghetto planet she somehow got the education she needed to be a top performer in Scouts’ Academy, and in a math focused hard science field to boot. But, she’s the fiery strong female lead, so we have to put up with her nonsense. No wonder Laseig drinks.
Let’s constrast Natasha with Helga. Helga is the opposite of Natasha. Helga is strong where Natasha lashes out out of hurt. Helga is confident whereas Natasha has something to prove. Helga is getting on with her life where Natasha is stuck in the past. Helga is attractive because of who she is, where Natasha is attractive in spite of who she is. Helga is happy. Natasha is wrapped up in her hurt. Initially I had misgivings about Helga because it seemed at first you were going to use her for comic relief, but thankfully she played a much more important role. Helga’s role was to be that strong happy competent pillar on which the other characters could rely, and to show her way of life as a contrast the other characters. Would Adam have cared about Natasha if she were ugly? Doubtful.
Laseig was boring. I liked the way you got into Vilani culture and the way it can shape an individual, but on the whole, he was boring. He was an alcoholic, and he had the disease so bad that got passed out drunk less than 24 hours after takeoff, but then that made absolutely no difference to the rest of the story. It’s like his alcoholism was suddenly cured. If something like that isn’t going to play a part in the story, like someone put in danger because of Laseig’s drinking and then him overcoming his addiction to do the right thing later, it shouldn’t be in the story. Laseig didn’t change as a character and he didn’t serve any story purpose that I could discern. Every character has to serve a purpose.
The entire subplot with the intelligent animals served no purpose. Adam and Helga the geniuses made first contact, got mixed up in a war, established friendly relations with two alien species, and taught a language all in a day, and for what, so one of the avians could kind of point them in the right direction and Natasha could have a pet? What was the point of the charging giant beast? How could he kick in the panel of a ship designed to withstand weapons fire? Why would the beast sleep in the presence of a ship he was just attacking?
The entire mission seemed weirdly off kilter. A scout ship was lost and the higher echelons were sending a rescue mission. They sent a 100dt Scout/Courier with barely enough space for its 4 crew, and no space for the people they intended to rescue. There was no medical bay, just uptight Natasha, her EMT certificate, and her hell planet medical experience. There was exploration equipment, but no rescue equipment. The ship’s maneuver drive could barely get them off planet. The higher-ups saw fit to crew the ship with a drunk, tantrum-prone Cadet Toughcookie, and a captain who almost walked. Helga was the only fit crewmember on that ship. They weren’t going out there to survey, explore, or deliver the mail, they were going out there to rescue people. Lives were on the line, and this is who the higher-ups sent? There needed to be some justification in the story for this, preferably turning these negatives into a source of risk and tension. Will they pull through, despite their failings?
The holobooth served its purpose, to reinforce and reveal more about the characters, but it seemed contrived. Yes, Natasha the badass. Yes, the reinforcement of the other characters.
Oh yes, Helga. What did she think she was doing, going on that mission while pregnant? That was wildly out of character for an otherwise responsible person. Cosmic radiation, alien pathogens, strenuous activity trying to rescue people, stress, trauma, anything could have happened. Helga could have lost the baby, or affected the child’s life permanently. That’s my only Helga criticism.
