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Vargr Jokes

S

simonh

SOC-12
Just one for now.

The passengers boarded a passenger ship operated by Gvegh Spacelines. The ship powered up it’s reactor, activated the gravitics and was about to launch when suddenly everything shut down.

The passengers looking out of a viewport saw someone walk down the boarding ramp and walk towards the spaceport complex. One of the passengers asked one of the Vargr stewards who it was an what was happening.

‘Oh that’s just the human pilot, he said the power plant was giving strange unstable readings and refused to take off. Don’t worry, a Vargr pilot is on his way over and we’ll be on our way shortly.’

Simon Hibbs
 
Last edited:
Reposted from the Vilani thread.

Common danger calls used by Third Imperium military units when throwing a grenade, by region:

Solomani Rim - "Fire in the hole"
Spinward Marches - "Grenade"
Ilelish - "Blast Bomb"
Vargr Extents border regions - "Fetch"

Simon Hibbs
 
Vargr proverb (apocryphal):

Revenge is a dish that is best served
Spoiler:
stuffed into a bone



Simon Hibbs
 
Two Aslan walk into a Vargr bar and order drinks, one of them shouting 'and make sure the glass is clean'. The Vargre takes ages to bring the drinks, but eventually they arive.

'There you go' says the Vargr barman, 'two glasses of our finest Vargr ale, and which one of you asked for the clean glass?'.

Simon Hibbs
 
A Villani visits an Aslan cuisine restaurant on Regina and at the end he tips a Vargr working as a waiter. To his surprise the Vargr thanks him is perfect Villani.
On his way out the Vilani complements the proprietors. “What a great restaurant, and you even have a waiter that speaks Villani, what a great gimmick.”
“Not so loud,” says the proprietor. “He thinks we’re teaching him Aslan.”


Simon Hibbs
 
ARCHDUKE BRZK MET WITH THE EMPEROR STREPHON AELLA ALKHALIKOI.

ARCHDUKE BRZK MET WITH THE EMPEROR STREPHON AELLA ALKHALIKOI.

He asked her, “Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give me?”

“Well,” said the Emperor, “the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people.”

Brzk frowned, and then asked, “But how do I know the people around are really intelligent?”

The Emperor took a sip of tea. “Oh, that’s easy; you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle.”

The Emperor pushed a button on his intercom. “Please send Lucan in here, would you?”

Prince Lucan Alkhalikoi Alkhalikoi walked into the room and said, “Yes, Your Majesty?”

The Emperor smiled and said, “Answer me this please, Lucan. Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister.

Who is it?”

Without pausing for a moment, Prince Lucan answered, “That would be me.”

“Yes! Very good,” said the Emperor.

Brzk went back home to ask Archduke Dulinor the same question. “Astrin, answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child.

It’s not your brother and it’s not your sister. Who is it?”

“I’m not sure,” said Dulinor. “Let me get back to you on that one.” He went to his advisers and asked everyone, but none could give him an answer.

Finally, Dulinor ran in to Duchess Margaret Yetrina Tukera out eating one night. Dulinor asked, “Margaret, can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child and it’s not your brother or your sister. Who is it?”

Duchess Margaret answered right back, “That’s easy, it’s me!”

Dulinor smiled, and said, “Thanks!” Then, he went back to speak with Brzk.

“Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It’s Duchess Margaret Yetrina Tukera!”

Brzk got up, stomped over to Dulinor, and angrily yelled into his face, “No! You idiot! It’s Prince Lucan!”
 
The Urzaeng had been married about a year when one day the she came running up to her den-mate hopping for joy. Not knowing how to react, the den-mate started jumping up and down along with her.

"Why are we so happy?" he asked. "Honey, I have some really great news for you!" She said. "Great" he said, tell me what you're so happy about." She stopped hopping and was breathless from all the hopping up and down. "I'm pregnant!" she gasped. The den-mate was ecstatic as they had been trying for a while. He grabbed her, nuzzled her, and started telling her how wonderful it was, and that he couldn't be happier.

Then she said "Oh, honey there's more." "What do you mean more?", he asked. "Well we are not having just one cub, we are going to have TWINS!" Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, he asked her how she knew.

"It was easy" she said, "I went to the pharmacy and bought the 2 pack home pregnancy test kit and both tests came out positive!"
 
Urzaeng and brzk lived in the same town on a colony world. both of them owned air rafts, and the two could not tell there rafts apart. Every few weeks, one of them would come out of the shops try and get in the others ones raft, and then wonder why the keys didn't work.

eventually, they settled on a plan to help them distinguish the two air rafts. Urzaeng said "I never listen to the radio in my air raft. I'll cut the radio antenna off my air raft, and that way you will know that its my raft, okay?"

Brzk agreed, and for a while this system worked. however, one night, when brzk and his lady got a little frisky in the garage, they managed to snap their car antenna off.

being brought back to square one, the two decided that they needed to help of their local elder, the smartest person they knew.

they approached the elder, and said "elder, we can't tell our air rafts apart. can you help us think of a way?"

the elder looked at them in disbelief, then gave both of them a clip round the ears "what do you mean you can't tell them apart?" he roared ."any bloody fool can see the red air raft is a foot longer than the green air raft!"
 
Brian Smaller said:
Is it just me or is the obvious joke just too obvious? You know - the one that ends

"Because he can"
Click to expand...

Because actually stating it would violate FFE's general decency policies. And COTI is owned by FFE.

Great way to reference it, tho'.
(Overt sexual references are actively discouraged. See rule 4.)
 
What do you call a human acculturated Vargr?

- Terrier


What do you call a Vargr grounder?

- Settler


What do you call a Vargr pirate?

- Gold retriever
 
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How many Vargr does it take to change a light bulb?

One to change the light bulb
One to shoot the first one and take the credit
One to shoot the second one and to take the new bulb back to his leader
One to ambush the third one and take the bulb for themselves
One to suggest a raid on the Imperium to steal a new light bulb
 
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