two stories form my time in Germany, which i personally witnessed:
Story one:
while cleaning out a storeroom in work, we came across a packet of bottles labelled "barrier cream". One of the guys on the team, a crow who'd only got out of phase 2 a few months before, asked "whats barrier cream?". Our corporal (squad leader), Without missing a beat, told him it was a polish used on the
mechanical gate barriers on camp. to keep them nice and shiny (about half of us know hes talking bull, but everyone keeps there mouth shut, waiting to see where hes going with this). After expressing bafflement as to why we would have any in our store, he excuses himself to go ring the guard room to "see if they need any".
He does indeed go and ring the guard room, but mainly to get the guard commander, his good mate, in on the joke. he returns and tells the Crow that the guard room does in fact need the barrier cream as they've used their last bottle, and they need to go and give the barrier a new coat. So, the still oblivious crow sets off the for the gate with this box of barrier cream, while the corporal explains to use the parts of the prank we weren't aware of.
The Crow gets to the gate and he's told to wait a bit, as they don't want any officers to wander past and suffer a sense of humour failure. when things get quiet enough, they have him out their for about half an hour with a bottle of this crème and a cloth "polishing" they gate before the gate guard cracks and tell him the joke. He took it surprisingly well, all things considered.
Story two
About 2 years later, we have recently returned form Afghanistan, and the German town our camp is on decided to give us Freedom of the City, which entailed a big parade. during the pre-parade practices, the RSM (Regimental Sargent Major, senior NCO in the unit) was going though the order of the parade, listing the persons who would be giving speaches. he finished the list with "and, finally, the local Burgomeister will give a speech".
after the practice, one of the newer lads, having not long been in Germany, asked who this "Burgomeister" was. my friend started explaining that it was a food inspector for the German government, who was responsible for enforcing local hygiene laws. he claimed it was a very respected and honourable position here in Germany, and this was because the germans were one of the first to introduce standardised inspections of food hygiene after a spate of high profile deaths to food poisoning in the late 1800s.
the new guy listened to this story with some incredulity, then turned to me and asked it was true (i have a German wife and speak a bit of german, so i knew a bit more about German civilian life than most soldiers did). I smiled back innocently, and said "Burgo-meister. Master of the burgers. Its right in the name". we had this guy believing this for about a week before we broke and told him the truth (see below). he was less than pleased about it, but got over it eventually (a robust sense of humour and a ability to take jokes at your own expense are must haves for working with British soliders. a lack of the latter will almost always make you a target)
explanatory notes
barrier cream: a hand protection cream, applied before working with petrol, oils and such to keep them off the skin (i.e. it forms a barrier between your hands and the POL)
Crow: the new guy, espically the new, inexperienced guy replacing a former friend. i believe the idea is to call to mind the image of crows circling the corpse of your former colleague.
Phase 2: special-to-arm training, that follows on form basic (phase 1) training. Phase 1 teaches you how to shoot, live in the field, etc. Phase 2 teaches tankers how to drive tanks, Signals how to use their radios, etc.
Spin a DIT: tell a tall tale. DIT is Defence Instructional Techniques, the taught method of formal teaching. one part of DITs is ensuring the students subject of the lesson understand the importance of what your teaching, often by connecting it to a personal story about when you had to use the knowledge your teaching (for example, about how you had to use your medical training to help someone after you were in a car crash). this works quite well on some subjects, and with good teachers, but mediocre teachers attempts to do this often either fell totally artificial and forced, or just plain grandstanding and self aggrandizement, hence "spinning a dit" to mean telling stories.
Freedom of the City: old European tradition, dating back to late medieval/early modern period. Armies of the time often had large mercenary components and were known for occasionally double-crossing their employers and sacking they city that hired them. Thus, normally they were made to camp outside the city walls, and were only let in in limited numbers and without weapons.
However, a unit that had served for an extended time with a city, and that the locals knew and trusted, would be granted Freedom of the City, the right to come and go as they pleased, and to parade though the town carrying arm, in a formed body under banners (ie in battle array). this was a sign of trust and a mark of honour, and its still down today when units parade though citys that have granted them Freedom.
Burgomeister . this is indeed the master of the burgers, but its more properly master of the
Burghers , a old term for "town citizen", and based on the same roots as the word "bourgeoisie". Hamburg, form which the foods "hamburger" and "burger" are named form, comes form "burg", meaning "castle" or "fort". thus, the Burgomeister is a the town mayor.
