The three tacticals I see get the most fan speak are SW:XWing, ACTA and SFB. AVT occasionally gets mentioned, too; everything else seems tier or two further down. Mayday seldom gets mentioned except amongst Traveller fans.
I'm not familiar with ACTA. None of these are anywhere close to "realistic", in contrast to what the Traveller games try to be (HG withstanding).
Of the ones that I have played, none of them were as satisfying as SFB. With complexity comes depth, and I guess I enjoy the depth, despite continually and routinely being beat by my friends at the local game club. To me, that was sort of the compelling aspect of the game -- there was a stark difference between good and mediocre players, and the local tournaments were good venues to explore that. The really good players always made it deep in to the tournaments, and our club really had a lot of those players. I'd almost say we had the best club in SoCal at the time, as was witnessed when we did serious damage at Origins when they came to town.
We had great fun with SFB.
I never played the others to get the nuances of it, they just didn't have the richness of SFB. You move and fire, move and fire, move and fire, move and fire, with a bit on maneuvering in involved. Never got much of a combined arms feel from them. A real ballet of maneuver and weapon fire. More just *BLAM* *BLAM* *BLAM* *BLAM* *BLAM* *BLAM* *BLAM* *BLAM* *BLAM* *BLAM*.
I think BL has the capability to a degree of that, when you combine the small ships, vector based movement, and limited fuel aspects. But it's not a game you can just easily pick up. I think SFB is more approachable, frankly, especially with an experience player there to tell you all the stuff you don't need to know. Pick up an easy ship to fly (like a Klingon) and you're off and running.
Starfire is a good old game, but the tactical side is not loved by the current owner. Marvin is so totally fixated on the strategic game that he's alienated most pure tactical players, and worse, he did so before purchasing the rights from Steve Cole. (Yeah, original Starfire was by the same guy as SFB.) The strategic game is a lifestyle game, not for large rules, but due to long playtimes. (Most of the play reports are, in fact, solitaire.) Marvin has recently rereleased the 1st and 2nd ed tactical rules... in PDF.
I have to give them credit, they keep bashing on it, as slow as their process and progress is, there's at least movement vs abandonment.
I didn't play enough SF to get any real tactical depth in it. I felt it was still kind of a slugfest. I should try some of the larger scenarios to see if it gets more interesting. I do give props to the SF guys though, as they have always had a good grasp on the issues at a strategic scale. From supply, to comm and travel lag, to personnel. It soon becomes "war of the spreadsheets", but, in truth, aren't they all.
I think the thing that's fascinating me currently, is simply the strategic game of directing strategic forces so far removed from communication. You get a taste of that in the SF novels, but I'm not interested in the tedium of the economic game to dive in to it too deeply.
What Traveller "realistic" combat has taught me is that "realistic" space combat is not that interesting. Or, maybe it's very interesting, because of it's lethality, but just not very fun. SFB has the great balance that the game is not immediately lethal, but it's not a grind fest either of ships just parking as close to each other as practical and blasting away turn after turn. SFB is mostly about maneuver, but not completely.
I would be interested see some more logistics and supply issues combined with something like TCS, combined with the command lag. It's easy to see how major conflicts can stalemate very quickly. The front line is either far from supply, far from intelligence, far from command or some combination of all of the those. And that can stall a lot of things. The lines would stabilize when conducting the campaign is equally difficult for both sides, especially once attack fleets have suffered enough attrition.
A week by week game when ships take years to build -- stalls fairly quickly.