That's cracking, mate. Excellent work.
What's wrong? Well, for a start it needs to be snappier and more dynamic. You have that fantastically dramatic music leaping and dancing in the background and then all the cameras are locked off. The tanks and the ships all move slowly, ponderously and mechanically. Each shot lasts too long aswell. It needs to be snatches. Glimpses. A couple of seconds at a time. Even if you show a couple of seconds now and a couple of seconds later on.
You need more tracking shots. Get the camera zipping around. Give the impression of exhillerating speed. More extreme angles too.
The shot with the fighters is much better for this but again, way too long.
The thing that really jarred though were the two people shooting. There is absolutely no motion in their bodies whatsoever. There needs to be at least recoil even if there's nothing else. The corrdiors are lit bright white too. Have a look at more atmospheric lighting. Make it moody and dangerous looking.
One minor thing, the one end of the corridor looks like the other so that when you switch, it looks like the guard simply dissapears. I'd light it differently and add some extra features to make it look different and then don't put the two shots together.
Try cutting the whole thing down to 30 seconds but keeping all the existing scenes.
You could do worse than check out the new Transformers trailer for some inspiration - or pretty much any action movie trailer, really. See how they do it. It's usually a slow lead in, nice and calm and then bam! bam! bam! glimpses of scenes and finally a lingering shot of the movie logo.
Crow
