Liam Devlin
SOC-14 5K
Great stuff NICE LABS!!!! (liked the smolderin table on the 5C0000-0!!! nice imagery!) 
The Gateway's Best Commercials/Jingles
- Thread starter Antares Administration
- Start date
Antares Administration
SOC-12
Ladies and Gentlemen, I am once again on the hunt for the Gateway Domain's best Commercials!
I have a party of hardened adventurers making a living as "consultants" outside the boundaries of the Year 993 Imperium. It's a conspiracy story, so I need some commercial media that will build a sense of paranoia.
Some of the storyline themes are:
- Solomani spies,
- All things psionic (academies, the Suppression, etc.),
- Hiver manipulation,
- Identity theft.
Now what I need is an ad or series of ads that would raise the anxiety level of a jaded group of travellers. The concept is to align plot with media. It's a little like reality TV in reverse.
Would anyone care to make a suggestion that we can build on?
Paul Nemeth
AA
I have a party of hardened adventurers making a living as "consultants" outside the boundaries of the Year 993 Imperium. It's a conspiracy story, so I need some commercial media that will build a sense of paranoia.
Some of the storyline themes are:
- Solomani spies,
- All things psionic (academies, the Suppression, etc.),
- Hiver manipulation,
- Identity theft.
Now what I need is an ad or series of ads that would raise the anxiety level of a jaded group of travellers. The concept is to align plot with media. It's a little like reality TV in reverse.
Would anyone care to make a suggestion that we can build on?
Paul Nemeth
AA
ozbonius_2000
SOC-10
I was watching a Gravball game in a hotel lounge while I polished off a pint of good local brew, and saw the following commercial:
The scene opens in a cozy looking living room of a small apartment. Two old women are sitting in rockers, one knitting what looks like a sweater, the other working on a quilt. Hanging on the wall behind one of them is a picture with crocheted lettering that reads “With retirement comes Joy and Relaxation”. There are two cups of tea sitting on the coffee table with doilies under each of them. The woman with the quilt sips her tea, looks to the other and says with eagerness “Oh Agnus, I can’t wait to see your new porcelain dolls! When are they supposed to be here?” Agnus replies, “I believe they’re due to arrive today from Lanth. Oh I can’t wait ‘til they get here!”
Cut to: A dirty looking Free Trader coming in to the local starport and performing a very rough landing. The captain staggers off the ship wearing a filthy uniform with his cap askew. He bellows at his crew “Let’s get this Crap offloaded quickly, I need another beer!”
The camera pans to the cargo hold of the dirty ship, and inside are a handful of nasty, filthy crewmembers all wearing greasy, stained coveralls. They are unceremoniously tossing crates and boxes out of the hold and onto a conveyer. One of the crew shouts to another “Hey Pele, there’s a box behind you!” The man referred to as Pele picks the box up, tosses it into the air, and drop kicks it to his comrade. As his foot caves in the side of the box and you hear the musical sound of shattering glass, the picture freezes. The camera zooms into the address label on the package and you can clearly read “Agnus Shepard”. The picture then unfreezes and the box proceeds through the air and lands directly on the conveyer, where a corner of it is completely crushed with another shattering sound, followed by laughs and guffaws from the rest of the crew.
Cut to: The front of a tidy Victorian looking building with a sign in front of it that reads “Glory Days Retirement Home”. A grubby looking delivery truck pulls up and an equally grubby looking man jumps out. His uniform is torn and his hair disheveled. He pulls a smashed, dented, ragged looking box out of the back and walks up to the front door. Agnus opens the door, ringing her hands. “They’re finally here!”, she cries happily. The camera zooms in on her beaming face; then pans around to the broken, tattered box; then back to Agnus, whose smile is fading quickly to a frown. She opens the box, which contains approximately 7 million tiny pieces of porcelain. She lets out a guttural roar, runs back inside the home, and returns moments later with a shotgun.
Fade out while we hear the sound of several shotgun reports…
Fade in to: Police cruiser parked in front of the same retirement home. Two uniformed officers lead a pleading Agnus out of the home in handcuffs, while her friend looks on in horror. As they continue to the cruiser, one of the cops accidentally steps on and crushes a porcelain doll head lying in a pile of rubble next to the sidewalk. As Agnus is stuffed into the back of the cruiser we hear the Voice-over: “This never would have happened if Poor Agnus had chosen Griffin Interstellar Shipping Lines. To avoid frustration and possible incarceration, Please choose Griffin for all your shipping needs."
The scene opens in a cozy looking living room of a small apartment. Two old women are sitting in rockers, one knitting what looks like a sweater, the other working on a quilt. Hanging on the wall behind one of them is a picture with crocheted lettering that reads “With retirement comes Joy and Relaxation”. There are two cups of tea sitting on the coffee table with doilies under each of them. The woman with the quilt sips her tea, looks to the other and says with eagerness “Oh Agnus, I can’t wait to see your new porcelain dolls! When are they supposed to be here?” Agnus replies, “I believe they’re due to arrive today from Lanth. Oh I can’t wait ‘til they get here!”
Cut to: A dirty looking Free Trader coming in to the local starport and performing a very rough landing. The captain staggers off the ship wearing a filthy uniform with his cap askew. He bellows at his crew “Let’s get this Crap offloaded quickly, I need another beer!”
The camera pans to the cargo hold of the dirty ship, and inside are a handful of nasty, filthy crewmembers all wearing greasy, stained coveralls. They are unceremoniously tossing crates and boxes out of the hold and onto a conveyer. One of the crew shouts to another “Hey Pele, there’s a box behind you!” The man referred to as Pele picks the box up, tosses it into the air, and drop kicks it to his comrade. As his foot caves in the side of the box and you hear the musical sound of shattering glass, the picture freezes. The camera zooms into the address label on the package and you can clearly read “Agnus Shepard”. The picture then unfreezes and the box proceeds through the air and lands directly on the conveyer, where a corner of it is completely crushed with another shattering sound, followed by laughs and guffaws from the rest of the crew.
Cut to: The front of a tidy Victorian looking building with a sign in front of it that reads “Glory Days Retirement Home”. A grubby looking delivery truck pulls up and an equally grubby looking man jumps out. His uniform is torn and his hair disheveled. He pulls a smashed, dented, ragged looking box out of the back and walks up to the front door. Agnus opens the door, ringing her hands. “They’re finally here!”, she cries happily. The camera zooms in on her beaming face; then pans around to the broken, tattered box; then back to Agnus, whose smile is fading quickly to a frown. She opens the box, which contains approximately 7 million tiny pieces of porcelain. She lets out a guttural roar, runs back inside the home, and returns moments later with a shotgun.
Fade out while we hear the sound of several shotgun reports…
Fade in to: Police cruiser parked in front of the same retirement home. Two uniformed officers lead a pleading Agnus out of the home in handcuffs, while her friend looks on in horror. As they continue to the cruiser, one of the cops accidentally steps on and crushes a porcelain doll head lying in a pile of rubble next to the sidewalk. As Agnus is stuffed into the back of the cruiser we hear the Voice-over: “This never would have happened if Poor Agnus had chosen Griffin Interstellar Shipping Lines. To avoid frustration and possible incarceration, Please choose Griffin for all your shipping needs."
far-trader
SOC-14 10K
Fun post GreyHawk, but what really got me was the second part of your .sig...
Open with a tight shot of a couple deplaneing(?), fade to the luggage carousel where bags are starting to come down and go around and pan back to the couple approaching, he says to she, "This will only take a second, I put a big round orange sticker on both sides of our bags to make them easy to spot." Fade again to bags going by in orderly procession, and there are the ones with the big round orange stickers, the camera pans slowly back, showing more and more bags slowly moving by, back more and more, more and more bags, dozens, hundreds, thousands... the camera finally pulls back far enough that the bags are losing definition as individual objects and we see "this" luggage carousel of bags is in fact the ring system around Saturn. Fade back to the couple, now at the lost luggage counter line and cue the announcer...
Only I can't remember (if in fact it is a memory and not my imagination) what product was being promoted, maybe traveller's checks? Anyway thanks for the nice imagery, unintended as it might have been.
...as clearly as the vision popped into my mind I'm almost convinced I've seen it as an advert.
Open with a tight shot of a couple deplaneing(?), fade to the luggage carousel where bags are starting to come down and go around and pan back to the couple approaching, he says to she, "This will only take a second, I put a big round orange sticker on both sides of our bags to make them easy to spot." Fade again to bags going by in orderly procession, and there are the ones with the big round orange stickers, the camera pans slowly back, showing more and more bags slowly moving by, back more and more, more and more bags, dozens, hundreds, thousands... the camera finally pulls back far enough that the bags are losing definition as individual objects and we see "this" luggage carousel of bags is in fact the ring system around Saturn. Fade back to the couple, now at the lost luggage counter line and cue the announcer...
Only I can't remember (if in fact it is a memory and not my imagination) what product was being promoted, maybe traveller's checks? Anyway thanks for the nice imagery, unintended as it might have been.
ozbonius_2000
SOC-10
Thanks Fartrader! It's entirely possible there was such a commercial. I found both quotes in my .sig at a Quote website. I thought the second one by an unknown author really complimented the Carl Sagan quote rather nicely. Perhaps I should tag it as -Unkown, so people won't think I dreamed it up all by my little old self...
Keklas Rekobah
SOC-14 1K
[MID-SHOT, GENERIC RESEARCH LAB]
1st Tech: "Hey Bob, whaddaya workin on?"
2nd Tech: "Can't say. It's something special though."
1st Tech: "Good thing nobody can get within a hunnerd clicks!"
[FADE TO EXTERIOR SHOT OF STARSHIP IN ORBIT.]
[CUT TO INTERIOR SHOT OF STARSHIP STATEROOM. A DARK-SKINNED AND TURBAN-WEARING INDIVIDUAL FLOATS IN FULL LOTUS ABOUT 1 METER OFF THE DECK. SITAR MUSIC SWELLS AND FADES.]
(The Zhodani noble grins benignly and speaks softly, with much implied menace.)
Zhodani: "Ahh, but I do not need to be near, my friend. I do not need to be near."
[CUT TO C/U: STARSHIELD PSI HELMET MODEL ABX-202]
Voiceover, 1st Tech: "The best-kept secrets are know to only one man! Starshield Psi Helmets - for those with the need to know, and the discriminating employer who want to keep proprietary knowledge 'in house'. Starshield - The final word in psionic protection."
[CONTINUE C/U]
V/O, 2nd Tech: "Whaddaya mean, I'm fired?!"
[HOLD C/U, AND FADE TO BLACK]
1st Tech: "Hey Bob, whaddaya workin on?"
2nd Tech: "Can't say. It's something special though."
1st Tech: "Good thing nobody can get within a hunnerd clicks!"
[FADE TO EXTERIOR SHOT OF STARSHIP IN ORBIT.]
[CUT TO INTERIOR SHOT OF STARSHIP STATEROOM. A DARK-SKINNED AND TURBAN-WEARING INDIVIDUAL FLOATS IN FULL LOTUS ABOUT 1 METER OFF THE DECK. SITAR MUSIC SWELLS AND FADES.]
(The Zhodani noble grins benignly and speaks softly, with much implied menace.)
Zhodani: "Ahh, but I do not need to be near, my friend. I do not need to be near."
[CUT TO C/U: STARSHIELD PSI HELMET MODEL ABX-202]
Voiceover, 1st Tech: "The best-kept secrets are know to only one man! Starshield Psi Helmets - for those with the need to know, and the discriminating employer who want to keep proprietary knowledge 'in house'. Starshield - The final word in psionic protection."
[CONTINUE C/U]
V/O, 2nd Tech: "Whaddaya mean, I'm fired?!"
[HOLD C/U, AND FADE TO BLACK]
FADE IN: Apparently derelict ship well out-system.
FOLEY EFFECT: Clanging, banging and pounding.
Voice: Smeegs! Did you get that frelling power plant online yet?
Cut-to: Engine room, same vessel. An older space-dog working to fix the power plant in darkness lit only by a large Mag-lite.
Voice Through Intercom: Smeegs! I only need a few dribs of power! Get that frelling thing online or you're SPACED!
Smeegs looks at the intercom. Gaze gradually drifts over to the Mag-lite. A slow smile spreads across his face. He unscrews the Mag-lite pulls out the power cells and plugs them into an improbable looking receptacle on the side of the power plant.
Cut-to: Outside. The derelict ship's engines fire and it flies away.
A large bunny in a spacesuit banging a drum floats across the screen.
ENERGIZER, The Power to keep you Going and Going and Going...
FOLEY EFFECT: Clanging, banging and pounding.
Voice: Smeegs! Did you get that frelling power plant online yet?
Cut-to: Engine room, same vessel. An older space-dog working to fix the power plant in darkness lit only by a large Mag-lite.
Voice Through Intercom: Smeegs! I only need a few dribs of power! Get that frelling thing online or you're SPACED!
Smeegs looks at the intercom. Gaze gradually drifts over to the Mag-lite. A slow smile spreads across his face. He unscrews the Mag-lite pulls out the power cells and plugs them into an improbable looking receptacle on the side of the power plant.
Cut-to: Outside. The derelict ship's engines fire and it flies away.
A large bunny in a spacesuit banging a drum floats across the screen.
ENERGIZER, The Power to keep you Going and Going and Going...
Keklas Rekobah
SOC-14 1K
Antares Administration
SOC-12
I have it from good authority that the bunny is a member of an uplifted Terran species. Primary feat?..... ENDURANCE!!!
Paul Nemeth
AA
mad13142000
SOC-13
Scene in a Megacorp boardroom with a giant Corporate emblem for Wrenton Transportation. There are several Hivers discussing corporate business. The audio plays their translators..
"We HAVE to increase passengers on our new Monsoon Class vessels. Anyone have an Idea?"
Several seconds of 'waving' and murmuring occur..
One replies, "I may have an idea.."
Camera cuts to a scene on clearly an Imperial world. A lone Hiver is conversing with a citizen. "You would like a trip on Wrenton Transport to come see the wonderful world of Guaran, would you not?"
The citizen replies, "...I don't know..."
Scene cuts to Imperial Downport.
Thousands of citizens are lined up at the ticket counter. A soft murmuring from all can be barely heard over the hustle and bustle of the terminal, "must go to Guaran on Wrenton Lines..."
Camera cuts to giant liner zooming past on its way to the Hyperlimit. The anouncer reads off-
"You really do want to travel on Wrenton Transportation...Don't you?"
-MADDog
Ben W Bell
SOC-14 1K
I gus. You gus. We all gus, for asparagus.
Liam Devlin
SOC-14 5K
IN a similiar vein..
SCENE: WRENGAX/WrenGax/Spica, A-class Yard's BOD meeting...
M. Detroit-" My fellow Directors, today we unveil our proposed jump in stock price, and Revenues division has hit upon a novel way to increase sales, and spread the Good work in the name of Open Trade beyond the Federation."
Much Voder applause/ arm waving..
<M. Detroit gavels for order>
"As you are aware, we have exported our new Jump-2 High-Performance Drives licensing throughout the Hinterworlds Sector, and we stand poised to expand into the Gateway, Ley, & Glimmerdrift Sectors, based upon our understanding of the plethora of TL-B worlds there...
MY fellows, the wisdom of offering the reduced prices to undercut the Imperial and K'Kree Engineering Corporations is this... Humans are easily pleased with immediate gratification, hence the better performing, fuel thriftier jump engines we have sold Have found their niche amongst Human-kind. And the K'Kree have been tamed by our secret Meat sauce.
Also, they will require twice as much maintenance, hiring more Qualified personnel to work on them-All graduates of OUR eight year engineering schools-(revenues!).
Furthermore... While our Exporters are licensed to sell these engines in completed form, WE will maintain & remain the source of all of their spare parts! (more revenues!)
<Louder Voder Applause/ hand waving!>
<Scene fades to Starfish Logo of the SIX EYES Trade Consortium, HF-LLC.>
SCENE: WRENGAX/WrenGax/Spica, A-class Yard's BOD meeting...
M. Detroit-" My fellow Directors, today we unveil our proposed jump in stock price, and Revenues division has hit upon a novel way to increase sales, and spread the Good work in the name of Open Trade beyond the Federation."
Much Voder applause/ arm waving..
<M. Detroit gavels for order>
"As you are aware, we have exported our new Jump-2 High-Performance Drives licensing throughout the Hinterworlds Sector, and we stand poised to expand into the Gateway, Ley, & Glimmerdrift Sectors, based upon our understanding of the plethora of TL-B worlds there...
MY fellows, the wisdom of offering the reduced prices to undercut the Imperial and K'Kree Engineering Corporations is this... Humans are easily pleased with immediate gratification, hence the better performing, fuel thriftier jump engines we have sold Have found their niche amongst Human-kind. And the K'Kree have been tamed by our secret Meat sauce.
Also, they will require twice as much maintenance, hiring more Qualified personnel to work on them-All graduates of OUR eight year engineering schools-(revenues!).
Furthermore... While our Exporters are licensed to sell these engines in completed form, WE will maintain & remain the source of all of their spare parts! (more revenues!)
<Louder Voder Applause/ hand waving!>
<Scene fades to Starfish Logo of the SIX EYES Trade Consortium, HF-LLC.>
Antares Administration
SOC-12
Tasty goodness!!Originally posted by MADDog:
"must go to Guaran on Wrenton Lines..."
Camera cuts to giant liner zooming past on its way to the Hyperlimit. The anouncer reads off-
"You really do want to travel on Wrenton Transportation...Don't you?"
-MADDog [/QB]
This is definitely a keeper. I'd say more, but I've gotta run. I have a liner to catch....
Paul Nemeth
AA
Antares Administration
SOC-12
Can you just imagine the sight of a crowd of Hivers writhing in excitement?!
And, Liam, can I use the Six Eyes logo? I intend to have it on everything !!!
Paul Nemeth
AA
Liam Devlin
SOC-14 5K
Leroy Guatney I believe is the creator of a lot of Stuff on Spica/ Langere Sectors of the HF.. (givin credit where tis due)..
As fer puttin SIX Eyes Logo on Everything...
SHURE!
As fer puttin SIX Eyes Logo on Everything...
SHURE!
Fade In: A nervous looking executive type carrying a briefcase walking quickly down the street.
Zoom: Black Limo, following the Executive.
Cut-to: Inside a store-front. Weapons detectors, armed guards and explosives detectors are all clearly visible. The Executive walks up to the counter after clearing the guards and detectors. He opens his briefcase and pulls out an interoffice envelope thick with documents.
Executive: "I'd like to send this to Yoyodyne Corporation, Regina High Port please."
Counter attendant: "Secured or Non?"
Executive: "Secured."
The counter attendant pulls out a small metallic case and places the envelope inside. He locks it and begins to have the Executive fill out paperwork detailing recipient, shipping priority, insurance, etc.
Voiceover: "Pinkerton's Courier Service, the ONLY people you can trust to deliver your critical packages. With coverage of over 80% of the Imperium, Aslan space, and the Vargr Extants, Pinkerton guarantees delivery.
Insured. Bonded. (Executive shakes hands with the Counter Attendant)
ARMED.
Cut-to: Spaceport, sealed courier bags being loaded onto a Type S scout under armed guard, shot lingers on the obviously armed turret.
Cut-to: The Executive steps out onto the street and is cut down in a hail of gunfire, blood spraying the wall behind him. The black limo speeds away.
Voiceover: "Pinkerton, your package makes it, even if you don't."
Cut-to: Yoyodyne, corporate logo clearly visible in the background, another executive opens the courier case and pulls out the interoffice envelope.
Zoom: Black Limo, following the Executive.
Cut-to: Inside a store-front. Weapons detectors, armed guards and explosives detectors are all clearly visible. The Executive walks up to the counter after clearing the guards and detectors. He opens his briefcase and pulls out an interoffice envelope thick with documents.
Executive: "I'd like to send this to Yoyodyne Corporation, Regina High Port please."
Counter attendant: "Secured or Non?"
Executive: "Secured."
The counter attendant pulls out a small metallic case and places the envelope inside. He locks it and begins to have the Executive fill out paperwork detailing recipient, shipping priority, insurance, etc.
Voiceover: "Pinkerton's Courier Service, the ONLY people you can trust to deliver your critical packages. With coverage of over 80% of the Imperium, Aslan space, and the Vargr Extants, Pinkerton guarantees delivery.
Insured. Bonded. (Executive shakes hands with the Counter Attendant)
ARMED.
Cut-to: Spaceport, sealed courier bags being loaded onto a Type S scout under armed guard, shot lingers on the obviously armed turret.
Cut-to: The Executive steps out onto the street and is cut down in a hail of gunfire, blood spraying the wall behind him. The black limo speeds away.
Voiceover: "Pinkerton, your package makes it, even if you don't."
Cut-to: Yoyodyne, corporate logo clearly visible in the background, another executive opens the courier case and pulls out the interoffice envelope.
Fade In: A rainy day on some generic industrialized planet. High rises visible in the background against swirling clouds and arcing lightning.
A suited man walks across a dimly lit parking lot to a low-slung, sporty G-car. He fumbles with his keys for a moment looking for the remote.
CHIRP-CHIRP, the G-car's lights flash.
The man opens the door to enter. Suddenly a hooded figure steps in behind him and shoots him several times in the back with a silenced needler.
The man falls to the ground. The hooded figure rolls him over and quickly scans his face with a tri-v surface/image scanner. The man is then loaded into the trunk of the sporty G-car.
Cut-to: Lobby of Ianis Investments LLC. The murdered man, now apparently alive again rushes into the lobby.
Guards smile and wave him through the checkpoints without bothering with the detectors. A chorus of "Good Morning"s follow him to the lift.
Cut-to: Receptionists desk, the lift doors open and the man steps out, hurrying toward the large oak doors behind the receptionists desk.
Receptionist: "You're late, Ms. Ianis has been asking for you. Go straight in."
The large oak doors open automatically.
Cut-to Steadycam following the man. He goes through the doors towards an older woman on the phone. The older woman looks up.
Ianis: "You're late, sit--"
The man raises his arm, pointing a silenced needler at Mr. Ianis.
FREEZE FRAME
Voiceover: "Don't let this happen to you. GenEnTech DNA scanners are the solution. Configurable with an independent database of 22 million entries or a scalable centralized database of over 35 trillion entries, the GenEnTech DNA-6260EVN is easily deployed. Requiring only a non-intrusive DNA sample for processing and recording, the 6260 can be deployed quickly and efficiently with minimal disturbance to established security programs.
GenEnTech DNA scanners; Know Your Friends"
Fade out with the GenEnTech corporate logo.
A suited man walks across a dimly lit parking lot to a low-slung, sporty G-car. He fumbles with his keys for a moment looking for the remote.
CHIRP-CHIRP, the G-car's lights flash.
The man opens the door to enter. Suddenly a hooded figure steps in behind him and shoots him several times in the back with a silenced needler.
The man falls to the ground. The hooded figure rolls him over and quickly scans his face with a tri-v surface/image scanner. The man is then loaded into the trunk of the sporty G-car.
Cut-to: Lobby of Ianis Investments LLC. The murdered man, now apparently alive again rushes into the lobby.
Guards smile and wave him through the checkpoints without bothering with the detectors. A chorus of "Good Morning"s follow him to the lift.
Cut-to: Receptionists desk, the lift doors open and the man steps out, hurrying toward the large oak doors behind the receptionists desk.
Receptionist: "You're late, Ms. Ianis has been asking for you. Go straight in."
The large oak doors open automatically.
Cut-to Steadycam following the man. He goes through the doors towards an older woman on the phone. The older woman looks up.
Ianis: "You're late, sit--"
The man raises his arm, pointing a silenced needler at Mr. Ianis.
FREEZE FRAME
Voiceover: "Don't let this happen to you. GenEnTech DNA scanners are the solution. Configurable with an independent database of 22 million entries or a scalable centralized database of over 35 trillion entries, the GenEnTech DNA-6260EVN is easily deployed. Requiring only a non-intrusive DNA sample for processing and recording, the 6260 can be deployed quickly and efficiently with minimal disturbance to established security programs.
GenEnTech DNA scanners; Know Your Friends"
Fade out with the GenEnTech corporate logo.
Scene:
A befuddled looking man in a classy Vilani-style business kilt stands amidst a dozen Hivers.
Voice Over:
The new Naasirka FasTalker(tm) translators feature our new ContexTrak(tm) software,
(long pause as one of the Hivers approaches the human)
so you'll never find yourself agreeing to another 'handshake deal.'
A befuddled looking man in a classy Vilani-style business kilt stands amidst a dozen Hivers.
Voice Over:
The new Naasirka FasTalker(tm) translators feature our new ContexTrak(tm) software,
(long pause as one of the Hivers approaches the human)
so you'll never find yourself agreeing to another 'handshake deal.'
Shadowdancer
SOC-14 1K
New tourism slogan for Granicus, the notorius pirate paradise:
"Come to Granicus — Your Starship Is Already There!"
"Come to Granicus — Your Starship Is Already There!"