Vilani jokes

[simonh]

It's during the First Interstellar War and a Solomani agent is infiltrated into First Imperium territory, but has a change of heart and decides to give himself up. He locates the head office of the Ziru Sirka Intelligence Bureau and goes to the front desk.

'Listen, friend, I'm a Solomani spy and I want to give myself up. Who should I see?'

'Second Floor, Room 218,' replies the clerk.

The spy gets to Room 218.

'I'm a Solomani spy. I want to give myself up.'

'What's your area, sabotage, terrorism or ideology?'

'Sabotage,' replies the spy.

'Then you've come to the wrong place. Go to Room 613 on the sixth floor.'

The spy gets to Room 613.

I'm a Solomani spy specializing in sabotage. I want to give myself up.'

'Did you specialize in transport or industrial targets?'

Transport,' replies the spy.

'Well that's the seventh floor, Room 742.'

The spy gets to Room 742.

'I'm a Solomani spy specializing in the sabotage of transport. I wish to give myself up.'

'What kind of transport, surface or space?'

'Space,' replies the spy.

'Then you've come to the wrong place. Room 936, ninth floor.'

The spy gets to Room 936.

'I'm a Solomani spy specializing in the sabotage of space transport. I wish to give myself up.'

'Look here, don't you see that it's closing time? We've finished interviewing for today. Come back tomorrow.

So the spy went and blew up a cruiser in spacedock.


Simon Hibbs

 

[simonh]

The Emperor of the Ziru Sirka calls the chief of the Entertainment ministry into his office.

Emperor: “What is this I hear about you telling jokes about me behind my back? You’re supposed to do everything in your power to improve my image. How can you do this?”
Entertainment Minister: “I don’t know what you mean your Majesty.”
Emperor : “I am the guide, mentor and loving father of our people, with only their best interests at heart.”
Entertainment Minister: “Oh no your Majesty, I have definitely never told this joke.”


Simon Hibbs

 

[simonh]

The Emperor of the Ziru Sirka and the President of the Solomani Federation meet at a peace summit, and decide to have a race. The President finishes first, followed by the Emperor.

The next day the Ziru Sirka information ministry publishes a report: “Yesterday there was a race. The Emperor of the Ziru Sirka came second, and The President of the Solomani federation came next to last.”


Simon Hibbs

 

[Timerover51]

Vilani jokes should be about as incomprehensible to a Terran as most British jokes on the BBC in England are to an American, or American late night humor to someone from China with no understanding of the American political system.

 

[rancke]

Vilani jokes should be about as incomprehensible to a Terran as most British jokes on the BBC in England are to an American, or American late night humor to someone from China with no understanding of the American political system.

Peruremu gishariishirshu agangimuun agangishaash pamapamda, gur kekerum kedishan a.

Ididimenki lussiimen Ukasdikha: "Khii Anulushkuuga kignin gagarkeli?"

Eshukhashad: "Girshagar gakirkhan kun."

Ukasdikha: "Kunurirki kag!"

Eshukhashad: Khii khiluugaga kag?!?"​

Hans

And let's not forget that:

 

[Limburger59]

Eshukhashad: Khii khiluugaga kag?!?"​

Good one Hans, AKA (I think AKA is the equivalent of the Solomani LOL, or maybe it is ZKZ, or AAZK, or...)

 

[robject]

Eshukhashad: Khii khiluugaga kag?!?"​

:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:!!!!!

Can't wait to tell that one to my dad...

 

[Timerover51]

I guess that whatever Ranke typed must have been quite funny for those who have some idea of Vilani. Maybe he should write a Vilani joke book for mass market sales.

 

[G. Kashkanun Anderson]

:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:!!!!!

Can't wait to tell that one to my dad...

Yeah, but make sure your mom's not around when you tell it to him. Yikes!

 

[simonh]

Vilani jokes should be about as incomprehensible to a Terran as most British jokes on the BBC in England are to an American, or American late night humor to someone from China with no understanding of the American political system.

Well, I had to sort through and pick out the ones that would make the most sense to non-Vilani. Fortunately the TAS Translate app was a lot of help as well.

Here's a bonus Solomani Confederation joke:

The Secretary General of the Solomani Confederation was getting ready to go to a state dinner, but was dismayed that his wife was wearing a worn old dress.

"What are you wearing that old thing for?"

"Oh darling", said his wife, "I really don't have anything better."

The Secretary General opened the wardrobe, "Don't be riddiculous, you have this white gown, this green top, and look at this lovely blue skirt right next to the Solsec Chief Commissioner!"

Simon Hibbs

 

[rancke]

Q: What do you call a non-racist Solomani?
A: A cryptid.


Hans

 

[WistfulD]

What's the difference between the Solomni and Vallani empires?

Well, in the Solomni empire, it is man against man. In the Vallani empire, it's the other way around.

 

[robject]

Q: "Why is circular reasoning about the un-quantifiable sociological perception between the organizationally superior Vilani culture and some other culture amusing?"

A: "Because other cultures are less organized and therefore inferior, but in a way that is amusing."


Trust me, it sounds much better in the original Vilani, which requires paperwork in triplicate to fully appreciate the joke.

 

[hdan]

Q: How many Zhodani does it take to recalibrate a jump drive?
A: I knew you were going to ask me that.

 

[whulorigan]

From GT: Core Rules p.76-sidebar:

Q: How many Vilani does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Six. One from the ladder carriers’ guild of the maintenance bureau to bring the ladder in and set it up, one from the ladder holders’ guild of the same bureau to steady the ladder once it is set up, one from the clerks’ guild of the government bureau to make sure the proper forms are filled out for changing light bulbs and to pay the proper fee to the energy bureau, one from the lightbulb-changers’ guild of the energy bureau to change the bulb, one from the wick-trimmers’ guild because it is traditional, and one from the supervisors’ guild because his presence is required by law whenever five or more workers are engaged in the same task.

 

[Condottiere]

What do the Solomani term Low Passage?

Emergency rations.

 

[atpollard]

Peruremu gishariishirshu agangimuun agangishaash pamapamda, gur kekerum kedishan a.
Ididimenki lussiimen Ukasdikha: "Khii Anulushkuuga kignin gagarkeli?"
Eshukhashad: "Girshagar gakirkhan kun."
Ukasdikha: "Kunurirki kag!"
Eshukhashad: Khii khiluugaga kag?!?"​

... and THIS is why I voted NO on the poll to add Vilani to the COTI site! :rant:

[Yes I wasted the time to attempt to translate this using the Vilani Dictionary in the Imperial Encyclopedia and the words are not there.
Five minutes of my life that I will never get back.]

 

[WistfulD]

What do you call doing a 4 year stint as an agent doing covert operations amongst the Vargr?

A tail wagging the dogs.

 

[simonh]

Common danger calls used in the Third Imperium military when throwing a grenade, by region:

Solomani Rim - "Fire in the hole"
Spinward Marches - "Grenade"
Ilelish - "Blast Bomb"
Vargr Extents - "Fetch"

Simon Hibbs

 

[rancke]

... and THIS is why I voted NO on the poll to add Vilani to the COTI site! :rant:

[Yes I wasted the time to attempt to translate this using the Vilani Dictionary in the Imperial Encyclopedia and the words are not there.
Five minutes of my life that I will never get back.]

I'm so sorry! Please accept my most abject apologies. I just googled up a Vilani word generator, generated two score words, and strung them together.

If I had taken the time to translate something into your actual Vilani, the joke would have been a two-liner at the very most. Or possible a knock knock joke.


Hans