So what stops Mutually Assured Planetary Destruction. If my homeworld is hit by an assault an defense is impossible, it means the next option is destroying their homeworld with everything I have. If distance matters not, the Space Triad goes live and Space Combat is no longer an Opera battle, but a hot potato match.
Reaching an enemy's 'homeworld' would be nearly impossible. For the most part ships are capable of jumping from 1 to 6 parsecs at a cost of 10 to 60 percent of their volume in fuel. Using detachable fuel pods a ships could, in theory, burn up 60% of its volume, eject the pod, and jump 6 parsecs. It could then burn another 60% of its volume out of its internal supplies and jump another 6 parsecs. At that point it is absolutely impossible for the ship to have 40% of its volume in fuel. Space has to be taken up by drives, the bridge, quarters, and weapons, so at absolute best a ship could only burn another 30% of its volume (and I'm doubtful of that. In all likelihood it would be limited to 20% or less because drives, quarters, etc. would take up too much of the ship, but lets go with 30% in case I'm wrong) and jump another 3 parsecs.
That's 15 parsecs at which point a ship would absolutely have to refuel. There is simply no way for the ship to go further without refueling. Now if you go to
http://travellermap.com/?x=6.351&y=7.112&scale=4.140625 you can see how large the Imperium is. Each of those large squares is 32 parsecs wide and 40 parsecs tall. Our theoretical ship can only cross half of one of those and has no room for weapons or defenses.
Typically, a battle is launched from 4 parsecs away or less so the only systems in danger are those around the periphery. The invading force would have to capture the system, repair, refuel, rearm, and then launch again. Each time it does this it will suffer losses. It is also pretty much unthinkable that people won't be able to jump out of the system to warn nearby systems of the invading forces, so the element of surprise will quickly be lost.
Hell I don't even have hit the home world. I just target the bread world *those that feed the Empire with people, food, money, or strategic resources.*
If there are 'bread worlds' (something which people debate) then there are an awful lot of them. It's dangerous to look at the map of the Imperium and think of it as sort of 'space Europe' in size. In the medieval ages it would take roughly 2 months to travel from London to Rome on horseback. This was more or less normal travel and not the fastest that could be done with relays of horses (it was also far from the slowest as people on foot and heavy wagons could definitely take longer). In contrast it would take 28 weeks of Jump-6 travel (fastest possible) to go from Ruby to Capital.
In short, space is really big.
Also, destroying planets is really, really hard. Ships most likely don't carry enough ordnance to do it. Yes, we had enough missiles on Earth to do that, but that was something on the order of 60,000 warheads that were on missiles significantly bigger than those used by ships in Traveller. It might be possible, if an attacker gained 'space superiority' to probably scour the surface by firing asteroids at the planet but even that would take a tremendously long time to completely cover the surface and before that there's a good chance a counter-attack fleet would arrive.
Actually, why not detonate my gas giants in a doomed situation?
Detonating gas giants is well beyond the capabilities of people in Traveller. Doing so would take almost unimaginable amounts of energy. Probably something on the order of the amount of energy put out by a star for a prolonged period of time.
Realize, my education and professional training has me think like a dangerous monster with nothing left to lose, as a way to counter and stop actual dangerous monsters. If this is the Opera, as the bad guy, it is my job to commit as many atrocities as possible and break the morale of the good guy by the evil I carry out.
And honestly, espionage has to occur to protect these empires. Rarely do you have a last minute invasion. It would seem more appropriate for the setting that Big Battles occur rarely and rather skirmishes and spy operations are more frequent.
I definitely agree with this. Most 'warfare' between empires is probably cloak and dagger as opposed to direct conflict. It's just too expensive.
But in reality, stealth is always possible. No boarding action, no piracy, no insane raiders on the fringe? No computer attacks from a double agent 40 hours prior to attack? Has there not been an evil megalomaniac trying to brutally conquer the known universe?
The reality is that there is probably a critical 24 hours before each invasion where spies can either save the system or doom it.
Most arguments about stealth are addressed here:
http://www.projectrho.com/public_html/rocket/spacewardetect.php#id--There_Ain't_No_Stealth_In_Space. I should note that I do take some issue with the writer's tone of 'I don't know any way it would be done so it can't be done' because it smacks of the calculations some scientists use to make to show that it was impossible for a vehicle to travel faster than the speed of sound. Still, it does show that as far as we currently know there is no way to do it.