jwdh71 wrote:
"Some time ago on the TML, Mr. Whipsnade came up with the aforementioned establishments, Earthbucks indeed being a coffee juice establishment, "crewed" by a motley assortment of tatooed and pierced robots, and Kinkies being an S&M copy and printing shop."
Mr. Hamill,
Yes, that's it. It was either August or Spetember of '02 as part of the 'Highports' thread. IIRC, the original poster was looking for ideas about what sort of business establishments a traveller may find aboard a highport. Let's see... nothing up my sleeve... PRESTO!
(Begin TML snippet) Of course the two largest Imperial franchise operations would be there too; Earthbucks and Kinkies.
Earthbucks is a chain of nearly totally automated beverage counters that cover the Third Imperium like a bad rash from Rim to Spin. The name is a combination of two terms, "Earth" because they serve was is purported to be coffee and "bucks" because that's what each portion costs.
Customer service at Earthbucks is handled by the same set of four "dum-bots" in every franchise. Androgynous and painfully thin, the 'bots sport odd hair colors(1), odder tattoos(2), and even more odd personal jewelry and clothing(3).
They also exhibit odd verbal tics that some say are the result of hacked programming. The 'bots never look whomever they're communicating with in the eye, leading to constant verbal faux pas, they pepper their
speech with the Terran word "like" (forex - "Like... what would you like?") so that it seems as if they're stuttering, and they end each sentence with an upward tonal inclination so that everything sounds like a question ("Okay... like... that will be twenty two FIFTY...").
As for Kinkies, the less said about a chain of S&M copying and computer rental boutiques the better. Sociologists have continually shyed away from examining just what sort of society would ever need such a service. "OH NO... PLEASE... NOT THE TONER, NOT THE TONER!!!!"
Sincerely,
Larsen
(1) No mean feat in an empire of 1100 worlds.
(2) Once again, damn near impossible considering the plethora of cultures in
the Imperium.
(3) Earthbucks "staff" consists of "Jeremy" and "Justin", the so-called male 'bots, and "Marissa" and "Carissa", the purportedly female 'bots. Each sports different clothing and accessories.
Jeremy has what appears to be an ancient Ping Five-Iron thrust through it's head from left to right. It wears a kapok life vest, an adult diaper, and hussar boots. A IC engine "spark plug" is crammed into it's left ear. The right hand is always bandaged in newsprint.
Justin has a tamping bar running through it's face, entering below the angle of it's right jaw and exiting out of the top of it's left forehead. A weathervane in the shape of a clipper ship graces the top. Justins also
display a selection of fly fishing lures on both cheeks and at the chin. It wears a nightshirt, asymetrical kilt, and sandals made from old landing skid padding. Small crossbow quarrels pierce each of it's knee caps.
Marissa wears a complete chador made from GrantTech SmartCanvas(tm). The chador advertises Earthbucks' daily specials and displays the menu. Marissa sports finger and toe nails upwards of 12cm long and is notorious for dropping most everything it tries to manipulate, including your purchase. A freznel tattoo in it's forehead spells out "Hubba-Hubba" and
"Oh You Kid" depending on the angle at which it is viewed. Several industrial o-rings are inserted in each cheek, revealing, oddly enough, that the 'bot has no back teeth.
Carissa has a one meter high "beehive" of GrantTech SmartTresses(tm) towering above it. Most Carissa's are tuned into local news, financial, and weather 'nets. Carissa wears a single fig leaf and two small pasties, although not in the positions you'd assume, along with swim fins and bronze shin greaves. The Carissa epidermal layer is usually leased out for local
advertising so just about anything, from want ads to flea market notices, can be seen there. Atonal windchimes hang from both of it's ears and a line of rivets appear along the jaw. Carissa's are the 'bots most stolen by local student groups across the Imperium.
All four of the 'bots dispense regular bursts of Earthbucks' signature fragrance, 'Pyramid Patchouli', from neck and wrist vents. (End TML snippet)
Hope you enjoyed that blast from the recent past.
Sincerely,
Larsen
